


Star Quest: Close Encounters

by Arionrhod, McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 07:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11009163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arionrhod/pseuds/Arionrhod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Non-magical AU. Antics at a science fiction convention make Severus see his co-star in a new and different light.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009. This was inspired by two different events: [John Barrowman's reaction to being kissed by David Tennant](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfq5UAk1Bxc) and [Misha bending Jared over](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IqeQ8vSiDQ).

Blue eyes gleaming with unholy glee, Remus Lupin strode into the studio of _Star Quest: Tranquility_ , a stapled bundle of white papers in his hand. He waved to the crew members who called out a greeting to him, and he nodded to the third assistant producer, who tapped his watch, indicating that Remus was, once again, cutting it close on time. He'd never been late for his call, but upon occasion, he'd gone straight from the makeup chair to his place on the set without even pausing for breath, and things like that often drove third assistant producers to ripping out their hair. Yet no amount of baldness in the crew would endanger Remus' job; not only was his character a popular one, but their show was also in the midst of filming its second series, and they had already received the news they'd been renewed for a third. 

"Twenty minutes is plenty of time," he said to himself, as his footsteps carried him not toward his own dressing room, but that of the undisputed star of the show - Captain Nathan of the ship Tranquility, aka Severus Snape. It was for Severus that the papers Remus held were destined, and if he was lucky, he'd have enough time to see Severus' reaction to what was written on them. Remus adored a good joke, and being able to get a reaction from the elegant, reserved Severus was something he lived for. Tall, dark, brooding, with a voice like velvet-wrapped sex, Remus counted himself lucky that Severus was as straight as the proverbial arrow; otherwise things might become far too complicated for comfort.

The door to Severus' dressing room was cracked open, and Remus stopped outside of it. He cleared his throat loudly. "Hey, Captain Tightpants, if you aren't busy, I've got something to show you."

A moment later, the door swung open wider, and Severus stepped into view, already in full costume, which consisted of tight black pants that clung to his long legs like a second skin, a low-slung holster that drew the eye to his hips, and a black faux-leather duster that billowed dramatically when he strode across the soundstage. "It isn't more fan art of Nathan and Casey fucking in anatomically impossible positions, is it?" he asked dubiously, raising one eyebrow.

Remus chuckled, remembering Severus reaction to that piece, even as he unabashedly admired the sight of Severus' lean body in his costume, silently lamenting the fact that the duster hid his very nice arse from view. Severus' eyes had been as wide as saucers, and then they had rolled as Severus muttered obscenities. But he hadn't been offended, which was a good thing, and that was what made it possible for Remus to present Severus with his latest gleanings from the Internet. It gave Remus vast amusement to scan the fan websites and forums, looking for things that the fans were saying about the show and their characters, and it was actually informative to boot. He'd made more than one suggestion to the show's writers based on things he'd seen the fans asking for online, and he thought that "give the people what they want" was a good thing, especially if it kept their ratings up and their show airing for a long, long time.

"Oh, no. This isn't about Nathan and Casey at all," he replied, blinking innocently as he held out the printout. In fact, this particular piece was the first Remus had run across of something called "Real Person Slash", and he was gleefully anticipating Severus' horrified shock at what it contained.

It was the little things that gave Remus' life joy.

Such as the _oh, shit_ look that crossed Severus' face even as he took the print-out. "Do I really want to read this?" he asked. Clearly he knew Remus too well, if he didn't even have to look at the first page to know he was being set up. "No, wait, I know the answer to that. I suppose the real question is, how much more appalling is this going to be than that story where Nathan ended up pregnant with Casey's baby?"

"Well, how will you know if you want to read it or not unless you do?" Remus asked, eyes dancing as he gazed at Severus. He was a bit shorter than his co-star, but not by too much, and he'd learned over the course of the show to watch for certain reactions from Severus, who had a subtly expressive face. Actually Remus greatly enjoyed looking at Severus' face, which wasn't classically handsome but which had a great deal of depth and character, set off by flashing black eyes and a nose that was positively hawkish. The _why_ of Remus' fascination with Severus' face and body was best not examined too closely, but was safe enough, given that Remus covered his unrequited interest in Severus by flirting outrageously with every man on the set. "Go on... you know you want to."

"I still don't know why they had _Nathan_ up the duff," Severus grumbled, obviously avoiding looking at the print-out. "It ought to be obvious he's not the... maternal sort." He appeared to brace himself, and then he began to read, his eyebrows slowly climbing to his hairline. Snapping his head up, he fixed Remus with a look of wide-eyed shock. "This is about _us_!"

"Is it?" Remus asked, blinking innocently. "Imagine that! You should see which one of us they having topping. I must say, the sex scenes are very well written. Very flattering. And I find myself curious about whether your fan-gifted twenty-three centimeter endowment is close to reality."

"Twenty-three...?" Severus glanced down at the print-out again and riffled through it, and when he looked up at Remus again, a faint smirk curved his thin lips. "You know my stance on rumors and speculation, Pilot Smartass. I neither confirm nor deny anything."

"Pity," Remus replied, giving a disappointed pout that was belied by the way his lips twitched as he held in the laughter that wanted to break free. He'd managed to shock Severus, and so his plan had been a success. He waved a hand at the papers. "Well I'll leave that with you to enjoy. Then when you have questions about my own, ahem, _attributes_ , perhaps we can negotiate a reasonable exchange of information." Not that Severus would be interested, but it was all part of the teasing, to pretend that he was.

Severus rolled his eyes, but his expression was one of indulgent amusement, not seeming to take Remus' antics seriously. "Why? Do you plan to post a facts sheet for them to refer to so they'll get the pertinent bits right when they're writing about us shagging in Zero G?"

"I seek only to please our fans... and keep us gainfully employed, at least until we manage enough episodes to achieve syndication." Remus smiled beatifically. "If it takes providing data to help with improving the amount and quality of the fanfiction, that's to the benefit of us all."

That earned him a loud snort from Severus, who shook his head as he stepped back into his dressing room, although Remus noticed he didn't relinquish the print-out; whether he would read it or not once he was behind closed doors was another matter entirely. "You're a true philanthropist, and I salute your altruism," he replied, although the 'salute' was more like a rude gesture.

"I live to serve you, Captain Tightpants," Remus replied, returning the salute in kind. "Well, I'd best get in costume before we start losing assistant producers to heart palpitations. See you on the set... Number Twenty-three." With that, he turned and walked away, wiggling his arse for good measure. Even if the gesture was totally lost on his audience, he had appearances to maintain, after all. Given the way he flirted both on and off the set, he knew it would shock many people to know the real truth about his sex life. Fortunately, no one ever looked beyond the obvious - and that was the way Remus wanted it to stay.


	2. Chapter 2

"Evasive maneuvers," Severus barked in his best 'Captain Nathan Tightpants' voice. He could scarcely remember his own character's real last name anymore thanks to Remus calling him 'Captain Tightpants' all the damned time, apparently as a reference that combined his character's name and costume with some American sci fi show that Severus had never seen before whose captain was also referred to as 'Tightpants'. Whatever the source, the name had stuck, and even other members of the cast were calling him that now. "We've got to get out of here before they get close enough to fire on us."

The next line was Remus', and since Severus knew the cameraman was going for a close-up on their pilot, he took the opportunity to pull as gruesome a face as he could manage. It wasn't quite up to the standards he'd set when he had stripped off his shirt to reveal false breasts and sent Bill, their ship's doctor, into hysterical laughter that had halted filming for at least fifteen minutes, but it was the best he could do on the fly.

Remus' character was normally the first one to wisecrack, but since this particular scene was serious, he wore a look of grim determination. He looked at Severus as the cameraman drew in for the closeup, and while he didn't break character, Severus saw a muscle twitch at the corner of Remus' lips, as though he was trying hard not to smile. He was also half a second late on giving his line, and when he did, it wasn't exactly as scripted.

"Aye, sir," Remus replied in Pilot Casey's soft Scottish brogue, which was a bit thicker than Remus' own accent. "Evasive maneuvers... turning through twenty-three." He was _supposed_ to say he was turning through eighteen, but the gleam in his eye let Severus know the line had been all for him.

" _Long_ range scan on screen," Severus replied, emphasizing the word deliberately even though he had swiveled his chair to deliver the line to Fleur, who played the gorgeous and nubile communications officer who nursed an unrequited affection for Captain Tightpants. 

Fleur was quite popular with their young male viewers, and Severus could see why, although he didn't share the attraction. Fortunately, Fleur didn't share her character's interest; she and Bill were carrying on a rather slow and careful courtship that looked to be headed toward permanency. It was fortunate, Severus thought, because they seemed to be quite happy and because life would have imitated art had she fixed her interest on _him_ instead. Everyone assumed Severus was straight, but the truth about his sexuality was something that, like everything else, he neither confirmed nor denied. He'd developed an aversion to the press and public appearances after a nasty experience early in his career, and he'd refused to deal with either for years, gaining a reputation for being reclusive as a result. 

"Aye, sir," Fleur replied, seeming oblivious to the by-play between the captain and the pilot. 

Apparently once the camera was off of him Remus felt it safe to grin, which he did, adding a wrinkled nose to the effect as he mimed applause at Severus in appreciation of his come-back. Then his hands were back on his "controls", and as the camera swung to him, Remus pretended interest in the big, blank screen at the front of the set, where the computer graphics specialists would fill in the images of the star field where the ship was heading. "No other enemy ships in range, Sir, and we're pulling away from our pursuers," he said, sitting back in his chair with relief and smiling. "We did it! We've escaped!"

"And cut!" the director called out. "That's a wrap. Nice work, people, despite your efforts to ruin it."

Remus was the first to stand, popping up from his seat as though he were on a spring. "We were barely even trying, George," he said, stretching with his hands over his head. He glanced over at Severus, grinning. "It's not like one of us had a spontaneous sex change in the middle of the scene now, is it?"

Severus gave him a bland look in return. "Nor were there any unexpected whoopie cushions lying about," he replied, referring to an incident of Remus' instigation. 

"Whoopie!" Remus laughed, then stepped away from his seat on the set, heading toward the side. "Sorry, I was a little preoccupied today and didn't have time to set them up. I'll make sure to step up my efforts tomorrow."

Luna Lovegood, the fifth member of the crew, stepped from the sidelines where she'd been watching, since her character, the young, dreamy Brook, hadn't been in the scene. "Be careful," she warned Remus, nodding sagely as though she were imparting some great piece of wisdom. "The sound that whoopie cushions make are at a frequency designed to damage hearing. I read that it's a plot by the authorities to be able to identify those who are prone to flaunting the rules."

It wasn't the first time Luna had spouted the odd conspiracy theories she seemed to believe with utter faith, but Remus didn't laugh at her, quite a feat in and of itself. "Well, if they're coming to take away the rule flaunters, I'll be the first to go," he said lightly. For a moment, it seemed that a shadow dimmed the brightness of his eyes, but then he smiled and touched Luna on the shoulder. "You'll be safe, never fear."

"The rest of us, however, are fucked," Severus said as he rose from the captain's chair and sauntered off the set. He wondered what had caused the shadow to cross Remus' features; he thought the man was never serious. But his musings were cut short when he caught sight of his agent standing off to one side, out of the way but obviously waiting for him. "Albus." He nodded a greeting as he approached the older man. "What brings you to the set?" 

"It's about that convention in the States," Albus began, but Severus cut him off with a dismissive wave. 

"I already told them I'm not going," he said firmly.

"I'm aware of what you said, dear boy," Albus replied, amusement lacing his voice. "As well as how you said it. But the rest of the cast will be there, and you are the captain. I'm afraid they're rather insistent on it, and when I spoke to Tom about it, he implied there could be repercussions if you don't attend. I did manage to convince him to limit your appearance to the official panel with no interview or autograph sessions, but that is the best I could do."

"Come on, Severus, it'll be fun, and it wouldn't be the same without you there," Remus spoke up from behind him, his tone teasing. "It's not like you have to give them measurements or anything. I know you're more close-mouthed than a nun with a vow of silence, but if anyone asks questions that get too uncomfortable, you just deflect them with humor. Or say embarrassing things about your co-stars... and I _know_ you can do that!"

Severus scowled, hating to be ordered about and manipulated, but he knew if Albus said there was nothing for it, he would have to accept breaking his self-imposed ban on public appearances or risk damaging his career; given Albus had taken a chance on him, seeing his potential rather than his past, he found it difficult to say no. "Fine, I'll do it," he said grudgingly, folding his arms across his chest. "But I don't have to like it." 

"Of course not," Albus said soothingly. "If it is any consolation, you'll be given an appearance fee."

"It isn't about the money, and you know it," he retorted hotly, but he cut himself off before he could say anything more in front of Remus. "Anyway, I said I would do it. You can tell Tom the captain will be in attendance," he added, his voice laden with sarcasm. "Now was there any other bad news you needed to deliver?" 

"No, no." Albus smiled, seeming unfazed by Severus' attitude. "I'll send you the information tomorrow and arrange a flight for you. All you need to do is arrive on time and answer a few questions. As Mr. Lupin says, you needn't answer the uncomfortable ones."

"All of them are uncomfortable ones," Severus replied, earning a tolerant chuckle and a pat on the shoulder before Albus bade them good evening and walked away.

"You know, it's just another role, really," Remus said, his voice low and soft, obviously pitched for Severus' ears alone. "You're playing the accessible actor for your fans, giving three dimensions to a character they love, letting some of the magic of the show brush off on them by extension." He smiled wryly. "I know you've never done one, but it's not nearly as bad as you've probably built it up in your mind to be. Look... I can see you're agitated, and you'll probably end up fretting about it and not relaxing. Why don't we go out for dinner, and I'll fill you in on what you can really expect from a con? It might help you feel a bit better about the whole thing."

Severus hesitated, debating whether to accept the invitation or not. He and Remus hadn't really socialized outside of work and wrap parties, and while working in such close proximity for such long hours meant they couldn't avoid getting to know each other, he wasn't a social man by nature, and he had never been comfortable about socializing with co-workers. Still, he wasn't against it, either, and Remus had been to these convention things and knew what they were about. Forewarned was forearmed as far as Severus was concerned, and so he nodded. 

"All right, I'll stop by your dressing room after I've changed," he said.

Remus' smile widened. "Excellent! You can choose where we go, too. I'm not picky. See you shortly!" He touched Severus briefly on the arm, a friendly gesture, then turned and headed off toward his own dressing room.

It didn't take Severus long to scrub off his make-up and change into street clothes, trading Captain Tightpants' tight pants and billowy coat for jeans and a dark green jumper, and when he'd stuffed the inevitable last-minute script changes for the next day's shooting schedule into his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder, he headed off to Remus' dressing room and knocked before stepping back and waiting for a response.

The door was opened at once, and Remus smiled. "That was quick," he said, stepping back so Severus could enter. "Give me just a moment. I still have to put on my shoes."

Remus turned and sat down on a low settee, reaching for a pair of trainers. Like Severus, he was dressed in jeans, although he was in a button-down shirt the same color as his eyes. His dressing room was bright, with autographed pictures of other actors up on the walls, along with a few props from _Star Quest_ , the series which had spawned their own and on which Remus had guest-starred several times over the course of its run. There didn't seem to be any photographs of his family, however, unless Severus had somehow missed spotting them, which was unusual; most people kept reminders of their home life in their dressing rooms to give them a lift over the course of long hours on-set.

"There," Remus said, tying his shoes and standing up. He reached for a bag not unlike Severus', then gestured toward the door. "Where are we headed? Walking or riding?"

"There's an Italian place not far from here," Severus replied as he headed back out the door. "We could walk there, if you're up to it."

"Certainly. Burn off the calories in advance," Remus said, closing the door behind him as they left. "That's one of the problems I never thought I'd face back when I was a starving actor, desperately going from audition to audition looking for a break. Could barely afford a meal back then, so looking thin for the camera wasn't a problem."

"Been there, done that," Severus said, nodding his understanding. Most of the actors he knew had gone through the 'will work for food' stage, himself included before Albus came along. "We're beyond that now, though, eh?"

"Yes," Remus replied, then snorted. "But with great success comes great temptation - and inevitably we all move from our twenties to our thirties, and _looking_ like we're still in our twenties gets harder. Just as resisting the chocolate cheesecake becomes harder." They exited the studio building, stepping out into the evening air of the lot and turning toward the gate. "So, which way?"

Severus led the way and set the pace, headed for the restaurant almost automatically since he stopped by for dinner there at least two or three times per week. "That's why I try to make time for working out," he said. "Then I don't have to resist the cheesecake if I don't want to. I like to be fit, but I'm not going to try to look years younger than I am. I've earned this face and this body, and I draw the line at Botox."

Remus glanced around the restaurant as they were seated, then nodded with what appeared to be approval as he relaxed back in his seat. "I work out too. I'd hate to see what I'd look like if I didn't," he sighed, shaking his head. "You're lucky. You've got a naturally slender body build, and I bet you have the metabolism to match. I'm a bit broader in the shoulders than you are, and so I have to be careful to make sure not to lift weights too much, or I'd look as big as a barn." He opened the menu that was placed in front of him, looking at it quickly before peering at Severus over the top with a playful smile. "Want to know a deep, dark secret?"

"What is it?" Severus asked, not bothering to open his menu. The staff here knew him and knew what he liked, so he wouldn't need to order; instead, he studied Remus' upper body, noting that Remus did look good, but he was careful not to notice too much. Remus was attractive, but Remus was a flirt, and Severus knew better than to take his antics seriously. 

Lifting a hand, Remus twirled a lock of his long, honey-gold hair. "This? It's my natural color. Or most of it." He winked at Severus. "Prematurely grey, that's what I am. The producers didn't want a pilot who looked ten years older than he was, so I was told to get rid of it. They wanted me boyish, so I give them boyish. I'll do Botox, too, if that's what they want for the role. Acting is my life; it's all I have. I love doing it, and so I'll put on whatever costume they want so I can keep doing it. Hopefully it won't go that far, though. I rather like being able to smile."

"You have a nice smile and an expressive face. It would be a shame to lose that," Severus said in what was an unusual moment of candor. Fortunately, he was prevented from saying anything else ridiculous by a waiter approaching. "The usual," he said, and the young man smiled and nodded, making a note on his pad before turning to Remus.

"I'll have a diet soda and spaghetti marinara," Remus said, closing his menu and passing it to the waiter. He looked at Severus, a smile curving his lips, as though the compliment had pleased him. But he didn't comment on it, instead folding his hands on the table top and leaning forward a bit. "So... conventions. What have you been thinking they were? Madhouses where you'd be mobbed, your clothes stripped away so you can be assaulted by buxom young women?"

"No..." Severus sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to figure out a way to explain his aversion to public appearances without revealing too much. "I don't have any objections to conventions per se. I had a bad experience with a public appearance early on, and it soured me on interviews and publicity events. I'm a private man, and I'd rather not have my life... my past dragged up and questioned."

Remus nodded, his expression sympathetic. "That's understandable," he said quietly, sighing and shaking his head. "That's one of the bad parts about our career; the press considers it fair to delve into anything and everything about our lives, as though memorizing a script and reciting lines for a camera is somehow our way of saying that we want to confess our deepest, darkest secrets to the world. I will say with the fans, it's definitely not that bad. They're interested in you as an actor, as a person, and in your take on your character and the show. If there are subjects you don't wish to have addressed, there are ways to distract them: make up funny answers, divert their attention, or, if you like, just lie. They can ask, but you're not under contract to give them a straight answer if you don't wish to."

The waiter returned with their beverages, and Severus accepted his glass of red wine with murmured thanks. After the waiter had moved away again, Severus leaned forward and sipped his wine as he studied Remus, curious to know more now that he'd been assured he could ignore too-personal questions if he wanted to. "What sort of questions have you been asked?" he asked. "What exactly can I expect from this?"

Sipping at his diet soda, Remus appeared to ponder the question. "Well, let's see," he said. "I've been asked how I feel about the show, how I feel about my co-stars... whether I'm a real pilot or not. Those are easy, of course. Then there have been some more personal ones, such as whether I have a significant other, and whether I really am as gay as I play on the show." He grinned. "The second one isn't too bad, and that's how I divert attention from the first."

"Are there really people who _don't_ know you're gay?" Severus asked, quirking one eyebrow at him. "You've always been so open about it. I assumed it was common knowledge: Remus Lupin is gay as a picnic basket and a shameless flirt."

Remus shrugged, then rolled his eyes. "Some people think I'm really straight and just _playing_ gay for the publicity," he replied, then looked down at his soda. "It's one of those cases where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, so I just do what I want and let the chips fall where they may. I really _am_ gay, so if I step it up a bit, what does it hurt? Besides, it's rather fun."

"You do seem to enjoy yourself more than anyone I've ever met." Severus fell silent for a moment, wondering if he would feel as free as Remus seemed to if he admitted the truth about his sexuality. Then again, what did it matter? He wasn't involved with anyone and was too busy to consider a relationship even if he knew of any potential candidates. There was no point in admitting anything and exposing himself to more questions when he was likely to remain single and celibate. "Do you enjoy the conventions? What else do you do there?" he asked at last to distract himself from that line of thought.

"Actually, yes, I do enjoy them," Remus said at once, apparently not even having to consider the question. "People can be nosy, yes, but they're _interested_ , too. They're engaged, inspired, passionate. The show is a job to us, but to them, it's magic. It fires their imagination, makes them think, lets them dream. They admire us... they want to _be_ us. Perhaps it's selfish and egotistical, in a way, but they appreciate what we give them. Standing in front of the camera, you just don't get the same feeling of how you touch people's lives. And you sure as hell don't get it from the biting criticism of the people who write for the papers and magazines, tearing down your work and saying how stupid your portrayal of a fictional character is."

"No, indeed," Severus agreed sourly. He sat back as the waiter returned with Remus' spaghetti marinara and Severus' alfredo, and he picked up his fork and ate a few bites before speaking again. "It doesn't sound as bad as I'd feared," he admitted. "I'm still not looking forward to it, but it isn't as though I have much of a choice." He glanced across the table and gave Remus a wry smile. "I trust the captain's trusted pilot will have his back if things get too difficult."

Grinning, Remus winked at Severus. "Captain Tightpants can count on his pilot to have his back... and his arse, and anything else he wishes his pilot to have, no matter what."

With a snort, Severus shook his head and turned his attention back to his alfredo. "Save it for the fanfiction, Pilot Smartass," he retorted.

"Aye, aye, sir!" Remus snapped off a brisk salute and picked up his fork. His expression became mischievous. "You might want me to watch your arse, though, literally. It isn't unknown for the fans to make, er, _offers_ to keep the guests company, should they so wish. If you get stuck and don't know how to get out of a situation that suddenly seems completely bizarre, just give me a sign and I'll step in to extricate you. It wouldn't do to slug a fan, after all. Even if you're really, really tempted to do it."

Severus froze with a forkful of alfredo halfway to his mouth and stared at Remus as he tried to figure out whether Remus was taking the piss or not. "You're joking?" he asked hopefully. He wasn't a touchy-feely person even with those who knew him best, and while he wouldn't throw a punch, he wasn't keen on being groped or propositioned either. One night stands had lost their appeal for him years ago.

Remus' eyes were on his face, and his smile slipped from playful to slightly apologetic, as though he could see Severus' discomfort with the thought. "Mostly joking," he said, twirling his fork in his pasta. "What I've told you so far about fandom is true of about ninety-nine point nine percent of the people in it. They wish us well, they admire us, they just want to have some of the magic they feel we have touch their own lives. Yet there are exceptions to every general rule, and that goes for both sides, the actors and the fans. That's not to say you're definitely going to run into that; I've not, and I've been doing cons for several years now. But I've heard stories about other actors having fans throw themselves at them, just as I've heard stories about actors who've been more than happy to try to hit on anyone they see who happens to appeal to them, using their fame to take advantage of their fans. You're obviously an innately cautious man, which is good, and I don't want you to be paranoid - but I don't want you to have some adoring fan undressing you with their eyes and slipping you their room key and you be mad at me because I didn't warn you there was a tiny chance that it could happen."

Severus finished his bite, relieved to hear the chances of being accosted were slim. "I appreciate it," he said. "If there's anything else I need to be warned about, let me know, although at this point, I intend to remain barricaded in my room until I'm dragged out for that cast panel."

"Ah, but then you'll miss all the fun!" Remus said, giving a deep, regretful sigh, even though his blue eyes sparkled with amusement. "There's the masquerade, which can be particularly entertaining if someone dresses up like your character. And sometimes there is karaoke, or skits, or videos - all manner of interesting stuff. The big thing that I particularly enjoy is the charity auction. I generally bring a few little knickknacks or pictures, and they auction them off to the fans in aid of a charity of your choosing. I had a fan donate seven hundred pounds one time, just for a shirt that I'd worn on the show!"

"Really?" Severus was intrigued by that idea. Every year, he made large, anonymous donations to an organization that focused on youth violence, particularly in London, and if he could add more to their annual revenue by auctioning off a _shirt_ , well, he was tempted to emerge from his hermit's cave to do it. "Will there be a charity auction at this thing we're going to?"

"Oh, yes, this is a huge convention; it's why they can afford to have the whole cast of our show, plus the cast of _Star Quest_ ," Remus replied. "I think there will be close to fifteen-thousand people there. The Yanks are daft for this sort of thing, you know. Usually they'll ask one of the cast to emcee the event, but I don't know who they've got this year."

"They ought to ask you," Severus said. "You'd be good at that sort of thing. You could indulge your inner drama queen all you like instead of being told to 'bring it down a notch or ten' all the time," he added with a smirk.

A throaty chuckle greeted that remark, and Remus leaned across the table. "Thank you. I've done it before, and it's a lot of fun. And if there is something that I love doing, it's indulging my inner drama queen. Trust me, if I weren't acting in science fiction, I'd probably be working in a cross-dressing burlesque show, just for the kicks."

Severus snorted, not quite derisively. "Somehow, I'm not surprised. You're quite the ham, and it's obvious you love performing, no matter what the medium."

"I do." Remus' voice was quiet, and the shadow crossed his eyes again. Then he seemed to shake it off, smiling brightly once more. "Well, if I've eased your mind about the con, what do you say we go over the changes in tomorrow's scene? It will save us having to do it at the ungodly hour in the morning we have makeup call."

"Very well." Severus nodded, accepting the change of topic since he felt he was about as prepared as he could be for the convention thing, and he was already considering what items of interest he might take to auction for charity, perhaps one of last season's scripts autographed by the cast or one of his old props. The important thing was that he was a little more at ease about the event, and while he still wasn't looking forward to it, he wasn't dreading it quite as much either, and that, at least, was improvement.


	3. Chapter 3

The convention was, conveniently enough, scheduled to take place shortly after the new season wrapped filming, and Severus opted to fly over a day early to give himself a chance to adjust to the time difference before he had to be awake and coherent at hours when he might normally be asleep or with his energy flagging. It wouldn't be much time, and he fully expected to spend the weekend fueled by caffeine, but at least it allowed him to get some rest before things got underway on Friday. 

He'd planned to remain in his hotel room since the cast panel wasn't until Saturday morning, but Remus had showed up - wearing a _kilt_ , no less - and dragged him out for a tour, which was how he found himself wandering the enormous convention center amid a throng of people dressed in all manner of attire, ranging from the mundane to the outrageous to the barely-there. In comparison to some of the scantily clad aliens and superheroes, Remus and his kilt looked almost normal, and Severus in his jeans and plain charcoal grey jumper looked downright boring. 

He'd been concerned about being accosted by overly enthusiastic fans, but a handler from the convention security team trailed them at a discreet distance, which made him feel better, although he was still punchy; he didn't like crowds at the best of times, and this teeming throng was more than a little overwhelming. 

"Where are you taking me?" he demanded, trying to remain by Remus' side rather than get jostled behind him in the crowd and end up with a distracting view of Remus' arse and legs in that damned kilt.

"Well, there are two things I think you should see today: the art show and the dealer's room," Remus replied. He sidestepped a huge, furry alien, which caused him to press briefly against Severus' side before he stepped away again with an apologetic smile. "Sorry! It's a madhouse isn't it? But yes, you should definitely see both things. The dealer's room will have all manner of interesting things, from memorabilia and photographs to jewelry, books, and costumes, while the art show is a bit quieter. Which do you think you'd like to do first?"

"Quieter sounds more appealing at the moment," Severus replied, feeling a bit lost in the sea of bodies and babbling voices, and he resisted the urge to stick even closer to Remus, purely out of self-defense. "I'm not much interested in memorabilia anyway."

"Sounds good to me!" Remus smiled. "The dealer's room will be quieter later, anyway, once people head off for the panels. And even though you aren't interested in memorabilia, you just _might_ be interested in a t-shirt that says 'I'll Serve Under Captain Tightpants Any Time', mightn't you?"

"For whom?" Severus asked, raising one eyebrow. "I can't very well serve under myself." He paused, wondering if he ought to push the envelope a little. Remus teased him all the time, after all, and fair was fair. "Unless you're offering?"

Blue eyes blinked at him innocently. "I did say I'd have your back or your arse if necessary," Remus replied, then batted his eyelashes coyly. "But of course, that's how rumors get started, isn't it?"

Severus snorted and shook his head. He should have known better than to think he could fluster or embarrass Remus, but that didn't mean he didn't want to try occasionally. "The captain's arse isn't being offered," he retorted haughtily. "The captain is, as they say, a pitcher, not a catcher."

"Pity," Remus said, shaking his head. "All that advertisement in the tightpants is just a tease!"

"Blame the costume designer," Severus replied, ignoring a gaggle of young people who were staring at them and whispering as they passed by. "Speaking of, what the devil made you decide to wear that get-up?" he asked, gesturing to the kilt.

"This? I'm a Scotsman! National pride, you know. Not to mention that the fans seem to love it." Remus waggled his brows. "Besides, I have to do something to compete with the tight pants! Otherwise no one would even notice I'm around, not with the star of the show here!"

"You needn't worry about competition. I left the tight pants and billowy coat at home," Severus replied, gesturing to his plain clothes. "This is about as exciting as it's going to get this weekend, I assure you."

"Pity," Remus replied, his eyes deliberately trailing down Severus' body, then back up to meet his gaze. "Of course, you could always take them off; that would be even more exciting."

Severus could feel heat rising in his cheeks, and he averted his gaze, not because he was embarrassed or offended, but because he couldn't remember the last time anyone had looked at him that way - if indeed they ever had. He got plenty of attention now, but he knew it was because he was a celebrity, and he discounted it as a symptom of being a star-struck fan. Remus was a celebrity too, but Severus had to discount his blatant appraisal too, difficult as that was to do. He knew better than to take it seriously, to believe that _he_ was any different from anyone else Remus flirted with, and he forced himself to remember it was nothing but a game. 

"I'l keep my clothes on, thanks," he said tartly. "But don't think I won't auction off photos if you have a Marilyn Monroe moment in that kilt, because I certainly will."

"I would expect nothing less. You're a hard man, Captain," Remus drawled, then pointed toward a door just ahead of them. "And we're here at the art show. Don't be shocked by anything you see!"

That didn't sound terribly reassuring, and Severus was on the verge of asking exactly what he might be shocked by, but then they walked into the room, and he was too distracted by all the myriad works of art on display around the spacious room. There were sketches, paintings, digital art, jewelry, carved wood knick-knacks, knitted toys; it seemed every manner of craftwork was represented, some of it reaching the level of professional quality. He didn't recognize much beyond classic Star Trek and Doctor Who - and items from their own show, of course - but he could certainly appreciate the diversity and the obvious love that went into the works, even if he didn't know what the hell it was. 

"Amazing..." he murmured as he began walking around the room, wanting to take it all in.

Remus trailed along behind him, pointing out pieces of particular interest. "See that bracelet? I recognize the artist. She paints miniatures of characters from shows on charms and makes bracelets from them. Oh, and look at that painting of the Tranquility! Isn't it fantastic? I just might have to put a bid on it myself!"

Bending over, Severus peered at the tiny charms, impressed by the quality of the work, especially on such a small scale. "Would you actually wear it?" he asked as he straightened again, glancing at Remus curiously. "I didn't think you were that much of a queen."

"No, I wouldn't wear it... but I do own a couple of her charms. They work well on keyrings, too," Remus replied, chuckling softly. He stepped back, then pointed to a section where a prominent sign warned "Over Eighteen Only!". "Care to take a walk on the wild side?"

Severus regarded the sign dubiously, and he peeked sidelong at Remus. "Is that the part that might shock me?"

"Oh, yes," Remus said, a challenging glint in his eye. "But you didn't seem too upset by the fanfiction, even the stuff featuring you and me, so perhaps I'm not giving you enough credit for your openmindedness."

"I _am_ open-minded," Severus replied. "But there's a difference between reading something and seeing it." But he caught the challenging look in Remus' eyes, and he lifted his chin proudly. "Nonetheless, lead on. I'll take my chances."

"Ah, and you don't disappoint me," Remus said. He caught at the sleeve of Severus' jumper, pulling him toward the area that was set off behind the sign, curtains shielding young eyes from things that might shock them. The light behind the curtained area was a bit dimmer, and most of the art appeared to be paintings and sculptures. The very first painting they came upon featured Nathan, Casey, and Doc, naked and busily licking what appeared to be chocolate syrup off each other's bodies.

"Oh." Remus voice sounded breathless. "I really _do_ like chocolate."

Severus felt his eyes widen to saucer-like proportions, and his mouth went dry as he stared at the graphic, vivid art, incapable of looking away. He could practically see the muscles working beneath their skin as they writhed against each other, and he let his gaze lingered on Casey in particular, wondering if the reality bore any resemblance to the fantasy. 

"Well." He cleared his throat, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't sound inane. "I think that looks like twenty-three centimeters."

"Oh, yes, indeed," Remus murmured, then coughed slightly. "If it isn't true to life, at least it's fun to imagine. So... shall we continue on?"

"Er." Severus tore his gaze away from the painting and forced himself to start walking again. "Yes, let's go."

They continued on, and the next couple of paintings were graphic, but of characters from other shows, male and female, heterosexual and homosexual in about equal representation. Then they reached the last row of paintings, and once again there was a painting featuring a very familiar face.

On a deep blue starfield was a depiction of the Tranquility, floating in space in the light of a red sun. But that was just the background, as viewed through a window of some other place. In the foreground was Casey, partly in silhouette with part of his body burnished by the same red glow. He was facing Nathan, who was similarly portrayed, the two of them naked and staring into each other's eyes as though they were devouring each other. One of Casey's hands rested on Nathan's chest, an intimate gesture, as though he were feeling the beat of Nathan's heart.

Somehow, Severus found the piece even more erotic than the threesome piece, perhaps because of the intimacy and emotion it implied. He stared at the piece, unabashedly captivated, and the longer he looked at it, the more he began to wonder _what if..._. He knew Remus assumed he was straight, but what if he told Remus the truth? What if he tried to convince Remus to notice him as more than just another co-worker? It was foolish, he knew, but looking at the art made him feel an inexplicable yearning for something more than his solitary, celibate life. 

_Or maybe all that fanfiction he's given me has gone to my head_ , he thought derisively, forcing himself to turn away at last. 

"They do have vivid imaginations," he said. "I'll give them that."

"Yes, they do." Remus' tone was soft, barely audible. Then he shook his head, rather like a swimmer coming up from the depths. "Umm... well. Shall we finish up here and head to the dealer's room?"

"Yes, let's," Severus agreed with alacrity. He wasn't certain he could take seeing any more sensual art without going 'round the bend and doing something he would regret when this weekend of madness and monsters was over, and the sooner they were out of here, the better. "Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to look at the memorabilia after all."

"I agree," Remus said, then gave Severus a brief smile. It looked as though his face were flushed, but it was hard to tell in the dimness. He turned, heading back toward the entrance and leaving Severus to follow.


	4. Chapter 4

The _Star Quest_ panel was scheduled bright and early on Saturday morning, and Severus had taken a large mug - one he'd found in the Dealer's Room the day before that read "Time Lords do it punctually" - filled with coffee with him as he trundled on-stage with the rest of the cast. At first, he'd sat back and let the others field the questions, but the fans wouldn't let him off the hook, directing questions to _him_ , things he couldn't fob off on Remus, Bill, Fleur, or Luna. 

But as Remus had said, the fans had been inquisitive and insightful, and none of them had asked nosy questions about his past, confining their lines of interrogation to his thoughts on this episode or that. The most embarrassing question had been "boxers or briefs", and Severus had shared the embarrassment by insisting Remus and Bill answer as well. Naturally, Remus had grinned saucily and piped up, "Regimental!" 

They had collectively been asked if they ever read any fanfiction. Surprisingly, only he and Remus answered yes, although technically his response had been, "Only because Remus keeps printing it out and shoving it under my nose in his on-going effort to shock me." Apparently, their castmates hadn't been exposed to fanfiction yet, which Severus thought ought to be remedied when they all returned home. If Remus could find Nathan/Casey stories, surely Severus ought to be able to find a few explicit stories featuring the other characters as well. 

It had been a surprisingly enjoyable experience. He was amazed to realize how passionate their fans were about the show and their characters; being on a television show limited the amount of response they could receive as actors, unlike on the stage, where the audience's reaction was immediate and audible, and this was the first real sense he'd got of how their fanbase reacted to the programme. 

He enjoyed the experience so much, in fact, that he let Remus coax him into attending the charity auction that afternoon to help auction off the items he'd brought himself rather than letting Remus do it for him as he'd planned. Which was how he found himself on-stage in front of the crowd again, only without the rest of the cast and a table and coffee. There was only Remus, two stools, and a microphone for each of them, and all thoughts of sitting quietly on his stool and letting Remus do all the work were banished when Remus coerced him into "modeling" all the items, not just the ones specific to the show.

"Ah, yes... This is a very special item, as all you fans are well aware," Remus said into his microphone, pointing to the leather holster Severus held in his hands. "Captain Tightpants..." the audience laughed, and Remus bowed slightly. "Captain _Nathan's_ blaster holster from the first season of _Star Quest: Tranquility_. What costume would be complete without it? You want it, you know you do... Severus, put it on, won't you please? And give us a Captain Tightpants swagger? Although I must say the effect isn't quite the same without the coat."

Severus shot him A Look that promised retribution later, but he fastened the holster around his waist with practiced ease and sauntered back and forth across the stage, making a point of walking in front of Remus to give him a good view.

Remus' eyes were on his hips, but then again so were the eyes of the thousand or so people who were in the auditorium. 

"Three hundred dollars!" a voice called out, and the bidding was off at a frenzied pace. Remus directed the auction with firmness tinged with humor, and when the smoke cleared, the holster was sold to a flushed young woman with a wild expression in her eyes, who held up her bidder number and waved it victoriously. She seemed very happy with what she was getting for her nine hundred dollars.

"Remember, folks, it's all for charity!" Remus said, sauntering across the stage in his kilt. He mimed despair. "Alas, however, that's the last of the Tranquility items! We've still a few more things, though - pictures and autographs. Anyone want a personalized autograph of Pilot Smartass?"

There were cheers and whistles, and someone called out "Take off your shirt!" Remus stopped, his eyes wide, his shock obviously staged; it was even possible he'd planted the person who'd made the request. "What, what's that? You want me to take off my shirt? Why? Would someone buy it?"

The cheers grew louder, and there were a few screams added to it. Remus turned in a slow circle, his smile wicked, and he winked at Severus when his back was to the audience. Then he was facing forward again, and he began to unbutton his shirt. Slowly.

Off in the wings, one of the techs put on a track of a bump-and-grind riff, which the audience took up, shouting "La-la-la, La la-la-la!" to the melody. Remus rolled his hips to the music, obviously hamming it up for all it was worth.

Now was not the time to ogle Remus or let his hormones get carried away, and Severus forced himself to react with exasperated amusement instead. Taking a seat on his stool, he watched the show and shook his head. "I smell ham," he said, earning a fresh round of laughter from the fans who weren't shrieking or on the verge of swooning.

Remus stuck out his tongue, which garnered a host of cat-calls. Then he reached the last button, and the music became a drumroll. Remus hammed it up some more, and then in a dramatic gesture he parted the front of his shirt. But instead of his naked torso, there was another shirt, this one pale grey and emblazoned with the words "O Captain, My Captain!" in gothic script.

There were howls from the audience, and Remus smirked, walking over to Severus with a slow, rolling gait. "So, Captain Tightpants... want to give your one autograph of the convention on my shirt?" He looked at the audience. "This is it! The captain won't be signing anything else this weekend. How much would you pay for that?"

Severus waited until the screams died down to give Remus a look of amused tolerance. "Cheeky bitch," he said, sliding off his stool. "Fine, I'll sign the shirt. Have you got a pen?"

Reaching into a pocket in his kilt, Remus - surprise! - produced a red marker, which he handed over to Severus with a slight bow. "I live to serve you, my Captain," he said in a husky voice into his mic, and the audience howled and applauded. Remus stripped away the buttoned shirt, then turned his back, obviously intending for Severus to sign his shoulder. "I like it from behind, as you can see." The screams at that were so loud that there was feedback in the speakers as the mics picked up the sound.

Severus paused, debating whether to do as Remus expected, namely ignore the blatant sexual teasing and sign the shirt in a manner befitting friends. But the fans were screaming, obviously enjoying the show, and Severus saw a golden opportunity not only to get a little of his own back, but also to make a foray into uncertain territory and hopefully make Remus _notice_ him. 

Putting his mic back in its stand, he grasped Remus' hips firmly and walked him backward; he didn't give Remus a chance to react or protest before being man-handled behind the stool, and then Severus flattened his palm between Remus' shoulder blades and bent him over the stool, careful not to hitch up his kilt _too_ high.

"OH!" Remus' exclamation was soft, and he looked over his shoulder at Severus, his surprise obvious. He shivered slightly as Severus bent him over the stool; Severus could feel the shudder when he touched Remus' back, and Remus' head fell forward, his hair parting over his neck to expose his nape, his breathing speeding up. His fingers were white knuckled on the stool, yet he didn't move away, didn't protest as Severus moved him into position.

Uncapping the marker, Severus made a show of snugging against Remus' kilted backside as he signed the back of the shirt, although he wasn't immune to the warmth seeping through Remus' clothes; it had been a long time since he'd been so close to anyone, and even though this was - supposedly - a bit of harmless fun, he felt a tingling thrill of contact in return. He couldn't fail to notice the way they seemed to fit together or the firm curve of Remus' arse, and he fervently wished this was _real_ , not a show or a tease.

Forcing his mind away from salacious thoughts, he finished signing his name with a flourish and released Remus slowly, backing up so Remus could straighten. He reached for his mic and gave Remus a deadpan look. "How was it for you?"

Remus straightened, but he turned his back to the audience, who clapped and cheered at the signature. He seemed to draw in a deep breath, then he turned, a bright smile on his face. "It was good for me. How about all of you?" The responding cheers rattled the ceiling tiles.

Now that the impulsive moment had passed, Severus was both surprised and pleased with himself for going through with it; the fans had got a kick out of it, certainly, and it appeared he had actually managed to shock Remus for the first time ever, and he perched on the stool and watched Remus auction off the now-infamous shirt, smiling faintly. The bidding went higher and higher until even Severus was starting to boggle, and in the end, it went for $1200, much to his satisfaction.

"Well, that's a surprise," Remus said, appearing surprised at the success of his plan. He still seemed to be flushed, definitely the most flustered Severus could ever remember him being. A crew member gestured to him from the side, and Remus walked away for a moment, leaning close as the man imparted whatever it was he needed to say. Then Remus returned to the center of the stage and drew in a deep breath.

"Apparently, folks, we are within about a thousand dollars of the record amount ever raised during a single auction at this convention," he said, and there was more applause. "Since I doubt the few remaining items would bring that amount, we need to come up with something to break the record. After all, it wouldn't do for _Star Quest_ to be outdone by that _other_ franchise, would it?"

"No! No!" There was a chorus of denials, and Remus looked at Severus, lifting a brow.

"So, Captain... any ideas? What would these good people buy? I must admit I, um, topped out too soon."

Severus snorted with amusement at that, and he settled comfortably on the stool, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "I'm not sure," he replied. "Maybe we ought to live dangerously and ask what they want. You've already given the shirt off your back, but surely you've got something else expendable."

Remus snorted in reply. "I'm not quite willing to give the kilt off my arse. Yet," he replied. Then he turned to the audience. "Okay, folks. What do you want us to auction off? And remember, we are a PG-13 show. Er... more or less."

"A kiss!"

The voice was female and cut through the murmurs of the crowd. Remus peered out. "A kiss? What, one of us kiss one of you? Er... Can we sell that, Severus? I'd not like to end up in a Yank prison." He stopped, and grinned toothily. "Or maybe I would."

The voice had come from Severus' side of the stage, and he peered out at the audience, the house lights up just enough that he could see an entire row of women appearing to confer, and he thought he saw money exchanging hands as they talked amongst themselves. 

"I think it depends on what we kiss," he drawled, earning more laughter from the crowd. "But as long as we keep it _above_ the neck, we ought to be safe. I suppose the question is, which one of us and which one of them," he added, wondering if the women he'd spotted were trying to decide which of their number would bid for the kiss.

"Five hundred for the Captain to kiss me!" A woman spoke up from the back of the auditorium.

"Six hundred!" Someone upped the bid.

"Six fifty for the pilot!" That was a male voice, and Remus chuckled.

"Seven hundred for the Captain!" A female again.

"Okay, okay, hold on," Remus said, as there were suddenly three bids at seven fifty, one for him and two for 'Captain Tightpants' and he tried to sort the tangle. Finally one woman spoke up for the Captain at eight hundred, and Remus grinned.

"Any more bids? Anyone? Bueller? Come on, folks... we're close to reaching the record!" He waved his arms and the crowd cheered.

Severus caught movement out of the corner of his eye as one of the women who'd been huddled near him stood up, a wad of cash clenched in her fist. "One thousand dollars if you'll kiss each other!" she called out, and Severus nearly dropped his microphone.

The rest of the audience reacted with a blend of shock and amusement, but Severus' attention was focused entirely on Remus, and his voice was somber when he asked, "That's quite a lot of money. What do you think? Are you willing to kiss your captain for charity's sake?" 

Remus was staring at the woman, whose shirt read "Got My Slash Goggles On", as though he couldn't believe what she had said. He whirled at the sound of Severus' voice, blue eyes searching Severus' face even as a flush stole into Remus' cheeks. For a man who was an enormous flirt and apparently utterly shameless when it came to teasing about sex, he seemed oddly reserved for a moment, something almost vulnerable in his gaze as he looked at Severus. The audience was chanting "do it, do it!" behind him, but Remus didn't seem to hear them, so focused was he on whatever it was he was looking for in Severus' expression. Then he drew in a deep breath. 

"Yes, I'll do it," he replied huskily, lowering his eyes in a gesture that from anyone else might have seemed almost shy.

"Excellent." Severus allowed a small smile to curve his lips in response to show his pleasure at Remus' acceptance. Perhaps this more than anything else might show whether there was true chemistry between them and whether there was the possibility of being more than co-workers, more than friends. Turning his attention back to the audience, he swept his gaze across the sea of people. "Right. We have a bid of one thousand dollars from the voyeuristic ladies over here," he said, gesturing to them, and they giggled and waved back. "Would anyone like to top their bid? Apparently, we'll both kiss anybody if the price is right, so speak now or forever hold your peace."

There were no further bids, and, surprisingly, no one got up and left, either. "Well, I think we have our winners," Remus said, appearing to finally recover a bit from his surprise, his expression lightening to amusement once more. "All right, Captain... time to put your mouth where the money is!"

For an instant, Severus almost balked as the thought _what the hell have I got myself into?_ flashed across his mind. He was about to kiss another man in front of a crowd of cheering people who were _paying_ to see him do it. It wasn't tantamount to coming out, but it certainly would fuel the "is he or isn't he" rumors that had followed him for years. Then again, at least this situation offered him plausible deniability. He was kissing his co-star at the request of the fans to raise money for charity. Other presumably straight men had done more for less, and it wasn't as if he found the task at all onerous. 

"You paid for this, so we'll make it a good one," he said at last before replacing his microphone on its stand, and then he moved to stand in front of Remus and gave him a challenging look. "Ready?"

Remus put his microphone away as well, then turned to face Severus, answering his challenge with a smile. "You're in charge, Captain," he said, snapping off a salute. "Ready when you are!"

It had been quite some time since Severus had kissed anyone, but he was determined to make this a kiss that both Remus and the fans would remember. Reaching out, he framed Remus' face between his hands as he closed the distance between them and bent his head to capture Remus' lips in a kiss that wasn't deep, but that was nowhere near chaste either. 

Remus' eyes had widened when Severus touched his face, then slid closed as Severus claimed his lips. A soft, hitching breath escaped him, before Remus slowly slid his arms around Severus' waist. Although Severus didn't dare deepen the kiss lest he tip his hand more than he cared to, he didn't pull back after a quick smooch; he wanted to make sure it was a thousand-dollar kiss, after all, and so he lingered, savoring the warm and pliant press of Remus' lips and longing to dart his tongue out for a quick taste, and when he drew away at last, it was with reluctance. He released Remus and watched him closely, trying to gauge his reaction and see if there was any spark on Remus' end at all.

Slowly Remus' eyes opened, and he looked at Severus, seeming oddly breathless, his lips and cheeks both pink, his expression, for a moment, one that looked like dazed pleasure. The crowd broke out into wild applause, and that seemed to bring him back to his senses. Lifting the back of one hand to his forehead, Remus staggered on the stage. "Oh, my!" he said. "I think I'm going to faint, girls!" Then, in an act that was pure drama queen, he collapsed dramatically onto the stage.

Shaking his head, Severus returned to perch on his stool and reached for the mic again, unsurprised by Remus' antics; he supposed he shouldn't have expected more, but he had _hoped_. At least Remus had seemed to enjoy it; that was something, at least, and Severus was reassured that he hadn't lost the knack of snogging due to lack of practice. 

"Well, that will be all over Youtube in about five minutes," he said dryly.

Remus sat up, fanning himself. "Wow, I think I'd have paid a thousand dollars for that myself," he said. The kilt, amazingly, had stayed more or less modest during Remus' little performance. Then he looked at Severus plaintively. "Couldn't you help a bloke up after knocking him on his arse? Cold, Captain!"

Rolling his eyes, Severus slid off his perch and held out his free hand to Remus. "Looks like the captain has to pull his pilot's arse out of the fire, or in this case off the ground, _again_ ," he mock-grumbled.

Clasping his hand, Remus let Severus help him to his feet, then he released it to brush off the front of his kilt. He stepped between Severus and the audience, facing away from Severus, but looking back over his shoulder at him with a positively wicked grin. "My arse happens to be very tender," he said. Then he bent forward, and lifted up the back of his kilt. "Are there bruises?"

Instead of Remus' bare arse facing him, as might have been expected given Remus' jokes about preferring regimental, instead Severus found himself facing a pair of bright yellow boxers, emblazoned with a round, eyeless face that was sticking out its tongue and had fingers where its ears would be. Right across Remus' bum, in large, friendly letters, were the words "Don't Panic!".

The audience, who couldn't see the boxers and many of whom apparently thought Remus had just flashed him, gasped in surprise.

"Not yet," Severus retorted. He was momentarily nonplussed, but then he recognized the Hitchhiker's logo - and was grateful that was _all_ he saw. He swatted Remus' arse and then grabbed his shoulders and spun him around so the audience could see. "And now you know why I call him Pilot Smartarse." 

The audience laughed and burst into applause, while Remus straightened and turned, dropping first Severus and then the audience a curtsy. "Thank you, thank you... I'll be here all weekend," he said, then reached over to retrieve his mic, his expression becoming more somber. "But seriously, folks, thank you for your generosity. You've been fantastic, and there are several deserving charities who are going to benefit greatly from what you have done today. My portion, as some of you know from past conventions, will be going to the British National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, a cause I've supported for several years now, and whose fundamental goal is to help prevent and help in the aid of victims of child physical and sexual abuse. I know there are similar organizations here in your own country, and I strongly urge you to be aware, to get involved, and, more than anything, to speak out on behalf of children, because so often they can't speak for themselves." He paused, then turned to Severus. "Would you like to say anything else, Severus? Or shall we wrap up?"

Severus was silent, momentarily taken aback; he'd never heard Remus speak so seriously or with such vehemence before, but he supposed even Remus had causes that were important to him, although Severus couldn't help but wonder why Remus had chosen that one. 

"I only wanted to say that my portion of the donations will go to help children from the streets of London learn there is more to life than the sort of violence they are exposed to and endangered by every day," he said somberly. "On their behalf, I thank you as well."

Remus seemed surprised by Severus' words, but then he smiled at Severus with warmth and something that looked like affection. "And that concludes our auction! Thanks so much to all of you!"

The audience rose to its feet, lead by the group of girls who had paid to seem them kiss, and given a loud and heartfelt round of applause, interspersed with cheers and shouts of "I love you, Captain Tightpants!" and "Casey is my hero!". Remus smiled and waved at them, then raised a brow at Severus as he put his microphone away. "And we're finished," he said softly. "I think I need a drink."

Severus put away his microphone as well and paused long enough to wave to the audience before heading off-stage; once they were out of sight of the crowd, he breathed deeply and rolled his shoulders to shake off some of his tension. "A drink, yes," he said at last. "Maybe more than _a_ drink is required. I don't remember ever being quite so impulsive in front of a large crowd with digital cameras before, and I need fortification before I start worrying I made a fool of myself."

"Several drinks, then," Remus said. "Come on, this hotel has an excellent bar and few of the fans seem to use it, so we'll have some quiet there for you to recover. I'll even buy, since you've been such a good sport about everything."

"Well, if you're buying..." Severus nodded and let himself be led to the bar, ready to unwind after his new - and quite unexpected - experiences. Considering there was still one more day left of the convention, he had to wonder what he was going to get himself into next.


	5. Chapter 5

The hotel bar was nearly deserted, so they had no trouble getting a table that was relatively private. The cocktail waitress came to take their orders, and Remus sat back in his seat, giving her a friendly smile as he relaxed.

"Scotch, neat - and an order of those nachos that are so good," he said, then raised a brow at Severus. "And what can I tempt you with, Captain?"

"I'll have the same," Severus said, leaning his elbows on the table, although his posture didn't look _quite_ relaxed.

The waitress nodded and moved away, and Remus sighed, pretty sure he had a good idea of what Severus must be thinking. With a wry smile, Remus reached out and touched his arm briefly, a gesture of sympathy and understanding. After all, it couldn't have been easy for a straight man to snog his co-worker in front of a packed auditorium. "Still worried about the auction? Just remember it was all in aid of an excellent cause; there's no shame in that," he said soothingly, wanting to ease Severus' mind on that score. "You were magnificent, especially given that it was your first con and you'd been dreading it in the bargain. I'm more than a little in awe of you! You handled that very gracefully, Severus, and you should be proud. You have to be the best damned actor I've ever met in my life!"

Severus cocked his head and regarded Remus quizzically as if he was puzzled by the remark. "What do you mean?"

"The kiss," Remus replied, surprised that Severus hadn't caught what he was referring to. "You certainly made it believable; my toes even curled." He laughed, covering the sudden memory of how good and right Severus' lips felt on his. "I would have thought you'd been snogging men in front of large groups of people all your life."

Severus leaned back, his expression changing to something a little more guarded and somehow a little more searching as well, and he met Remus' gaze steadily as he replied, "Not in front of large groups of people, no."

That made Remus stop laughing, and he looked at Severus, closing his mouth abruptly as he felt his jaw drop open. Surely Severus wasn't implying what he seemed to be implying... was he? "Er... An acting gig, then?" he asked, something within him withdrawing already, even as he tried to fight it. Instincts were hard to overcome, despite everything he'd done to combat them.

"No." Severus breathed in deeply and glanced away, seeming to brace himself before looking at Remus again. "It has nothing to do with acting. I'm gay, Remus," he said somberly.

"Oh." Remus could only stare in surprise, completely uncertain how to react to this unexpected announcement. Part of him was gleefully jumping up and down, but another, older part was suddenly on guard, wrapping him in a protective cocoon. Fortunately he was spared the need to reply at once by the arrival of the waitress, who served their order before smiling and moving away again.

Remus picked up his glass, downing half the contents in a gulp. The alcohol burned through him, but as he felt its warmth spread, he was finally able to meet Severus' eyes. "Really?" he said, knowing his voice sounded husky. "I never had a clue. Not in all the time we've worked together. You really _are_ a good actor."

Severus took a healthy swallow of his own drink and shrugged. "It has been a non-issue for so long, I haven't needed to act in order to keep anyone from noticing my preferences. I've never lied to anyone," he added, sounding a trifle defensive. "I've just let people assume whatever they wanted to assume about me, and I've never confirmed or denied anything either way. Since I've focused on work rather than cultivated a personal life, there has been nothing for anyone to speculate about."

"Hey, you don't have to explain to me," Remus said. He still didn't know how to react, not really, not when things were so... complicated, but he _liked_ Severus, and he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable or defensive. "I know you're a private man, Severus. I didn't mean to force you into any uncomfortable revelations."

Severus breathed out again, seeming to relax a little, and he shook his head. "No, I wouldn't have told you if I didn't want to," he said, toying idly with his glass of scotch. "It seemed foolish to keep the truth from you after what happened, and... not volunteering information is one thing, but not telling you the truth after that felt too much like deception." He fell silent for a moment, gazing into the depths of his glass. "Perhaps I was simply ready to admit the truth to someone who would understand." He shrugged again, and one corner of his mouth quirked upward. "Whatever the reason, you didn't force me into anything."

"Thank you. I would hate to feel I'd done that." Remus smiled slightly, relieved that Severus didn't feel like he'd been coerced. He knew all too well what _that_ was like, and he wouldn't force it on anyone. He wasn't exactly sure what to do, though; his neat view of the world had suddenly been set on its arse, much the way Severus' kiss had set _him_ on his arse. 

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to think logically. All that Severus had done was admit he way gay; he hadn't suddenly announced interest in Remus. Severus was being a _friend_ , and Remus was overreacting based on his long held, unrequited attraction to Severus. An attraction which had been _safe_ , because he'd thought it impossible for Severus to return it.

 _And he still doesn't, idiot,_ Remus told himself firmly. He gave no indication of his inner turmoil, or at least he hoped he didn't, as he sipped his drink again. "And I do understand, believe me." His lips twisted. "I also understand what it's like when you tell the wrong person. Sounds like we have something in common, but we treat it differently. You don't tell anyone, while I... I just play the flaming queen and let the chips fall where they may."

Severus' eyebrows climbed at that, and his expression turned skeptical. "Are you telling me all your flirting and antics are an act?" he asked, his voice laced with incredulity.

Remus turned his face away, shrugging with sudden embarrassment. He wasn't used to sharing his secrets with anyone, but he felt he could trust Severus. After all, hadn't Severus trusted him? "Yeah, I'm a big phony," he admitted.

"Why?" Severus regarded him with genuine curiosity, no hint of derision or condemnation evident. "Surely you realize how superficial it makes you seem. We've worked together for nearly two years, and this is the first time I've ever had a hint that there was more to you than jokes and flirting."

"That's the way I've wanted it," Remus said, drawing in a deep breath as he raised his eyes once more. He shouldn't be surprised Severus thought he was shallow, not when he'd gone to such lengths to project that image to the world. It was protection, and it was revenge, and while he couldn't speak of the first, it wasn't too difficult to admit the second. "My family disowned me when I came out to them. No understanding, no... sympathy. I was just told to get out, that they no longer had a son. After that... I didn't care what anyone thought, really. Perhaps it was immature, but I decided that if being gay had cost me my family, I'd be over the top gay. So that my family would never think I was hiding in shame as they wanted me to do."

"You could be out and proud without being the Human Torch," Severus pointed out, reaching for the nachos at last. "No doubt they've heard of your behavior, and it's done nothing but solidify the narrow-minded opinions they hold about all homosexuals."

"Trust me, playing the dutiful son and being circumspect wouldn't have changed their minds," he replied morosely. Then he shrugged, lifting a hand and rubbing his face. He wasn't used to thinking about the past, and he was now remembering why he didn't like to do it. "Perhaps it was stupid. I was angry, hurt, bitter, because they of all people should have..." He stopped abruptly, realizing what he'd almost said, and he covered his slip by taking another drink. Perhaps Severus would think he was going to say something else.

"They should have understood. They should have been tolerant." Severus picked up his glass and finished off the scotch, his expression wry, almost bitter. "Families suck," he said bluntly.

"Yeah, pretty much," Remus agreed. He lifted a hand, signalling to the waitress for a refill for both of them. He relaxed a bit, glad that Severus hadn't picked up on anything other than Remus' upset with his family. But Severus' sympathy was also a balm for a wounded part of himself, and he managed a small smile. "I have to say, I do have fun. I didn't lie to you about that. But there's definitely more to me than I let most people see."

Severus regarded him speculatively for a moment, waiting until the waitress had returned with their fresh drinks and gone away again before speaking. "I'd like to stop being 'most people', if you have no objections. After what we've shared today - and I'm not talking about the kiss - it seems rather pointless to regress."

"It does, doesn't it?" Remus snorted wryly. "I've certainly never admitted to anyone else what I've told you. I trust you'll keep my secret, though... I wouldn't know what to do if anyone started taking me seriously." His words were light, but he wasn't completely joking.

"I understand about secrets," Severus replied. "Yours are safe with me. I have nothing to gain by exposing you, and it would strain our working relationship. Considering we're likely to be picked up for a third series, maybe more, I don't care to be at odds with you."

"Nor I with you. And it has nothing to do with the series," Remus said. He sipped at his second glass, not wanting to get _too_ relaxed lest he was unable to guard his tongue, but he felt more certain of himself now, knowing that Severus wasn't going to say anything. "I like you, you bossy bugger. You're talented and you're fun, and you've made life interesting the last two years. I don't have many close friends, but I'd like to be able to count you as one."

"It would be convenient, given how many hours we work together almost every day of the week." Severus began munching on the nachos again, seeming more relaxed himself. "As it happens, I don't have many close friends either, but now that I've seen past your buffoonish exterior, I wouldn't mind getting to know you better." 

"Oh, be still my heart!" Remus put a hand on his chest and looked heavenward, batting his lashes playfully. "You're going to turn my head, Captain, if you keep flattering me like this!"

Severus snorted derisively. "You get enough flattery from your fans," he retorted. "You need me to manhandle you to keep you in line." He paused, then added, "So to speak."

"So to speak," Remus agreed, chuckling quietly. Then he sobered a bit. "I won't tell anyone what you've told me, either, you know. There will likely be rumor and speculation after this, but I intend to follow your lead, and I won't confirm or deny anything, even in jest. That your prerogative, of course. If asked I will say it was all for charity."

"Well, it was," Severus pointed out. "However, I appreciate your discretion. For now, I'd rather keep my preferences between us, but to be honest, today might have been a significant first step for me. Still, I will go at my own pace when it comes to revealing my sexuality to the rest of the world." 

"I'm honored to have been part of your first step," Remus said, smiling at Severus fondly. He really did like Severus, quite beyond the attraction he'd been secretly nursing, and he was glad to have been a part of it, if it was something that helped Severus. Then something occurred to him, and he snorted. "Hmmm... I do wonder what the fanfiction writers are going to come up with after _this_."

That coaxed a quiet, throaty chuckle out of Severus. "No doubt we've given them plenty of inspiration." He paused and took a sip of his scotch before adding in a haughty tone, "Although I hope they figured out from today's performance that the captain is an aggressive top. I'd rather not see anymore stories portraying him as an eager, wriggling, begging bottom." He fixed Remus with an arch look, one eyebrow raised. "That should be _Casey's_ role."

Remus blushed; he couldn't help it, not with the images that Severus' words suddenly brought to mind. No doubt that was Severus' intention, though. This was another case of their playful attempts to make each other crack. It was quite effective, since now Remus knew that Severus _knew_ what he was saying and exactly what effect it would have on Remus. 

"Yes, well... it's very obvious what Captain Tightpants' preferences are," he replied, taking another sip of his scotch. It was easier putting it in terms of their characters, and he told himself firmly not to get fiction confused with reality. "Casey is definitely the bottom type, though. I think he likes having a, um, firm hand at the helm."

"Fortunately for him, the captain has firm hands and is quite comfortable being in control," Severus replied, the barest hint of a smirk playing at the corners of his thin lips. 

"The Captain also has a low and evil sense of humor," Remus shot back, raising his glass in a salute. "Here's to tight pants and smart arses, eh?"

Severus lifted his glass and touched it lightly to Remus'. "May they live long and prosper."


	6. Chapter 6

The third season of _Star Quest: Tranquility_ , started off with a cast meeting, an informal affair where they all got reacquainted and the producer went over the plans for the upcoming season. Remus always enjoyed the meeting, since it reinforced their solidity as a cast and helped set the tone for the long, grueling days of filming to come.

He'd not seen Bill, Fleur, or Luna during the hiatus; Bill and Fleur had been too wrapped up in each other, and Luna had been off traveling with her parents and filming a movie. But he _had_ seen Severus on numerous occasions as they both lived in London. Friendly dinners, friendly movies, friendly drinks, lots of talk where they got to know each other better. Remus told Severus more about his family and the complete crisis of confidence he'd experienced at their rejection of his orientation, and it was a relief to be able to talk to someone who understood and could sympathize. 

Never once did he let his continuing attraction to Severus show; or at least if he did, Severus didn't seem to acknowledge it. Not that he would have wanted to risk what they had anyway. Remus had long known that he wasn't really cut out for relationships, despite the things he'd done to help find solace and healing from the pains life had inflicted upon him. Even if a secret part of him yearned to have someone to cling to, someone to share _everything_ with, it simply didn't seem to be in the cards. He was approaching forty, and if it hadn't happened by now, he'd resigned himself to the fact that it simply wasn't going to happen at all. No matter how much he might wish it would.

As much as he liked the meeting, however, he was nearly the last one to arrive, flushed and out of breath as he entered the room and waved to everyone else. He couldn't help it, though, not when he'd read the speculation on the fan boards and spent time digging to find out if it was true. Fortunately the seat by Severus was empty, and Remus slipped into it, fairly vibrating with the rumor he wanted to share. Leaning close to Severus, he dropped his voice.

"You're not going to believe this, but there are rumors they're going to add a new member to the cast," he murmured. "What do you think? Could it be true?"

"It _is_ true," Severus replied, leaning closer to Remus in turn. He looked faintly pleased at being able to share the details of the most recent gossip. "They called me in to do read-throughs with the hot young hopefuls, so I've already met our new blood. His name is Kingsley, and he's gorgeous. I might have to rethink my stance on coming out," he added casually.

"Oh." Remus blinked in surprise, sick, icy fingers of jealousy unexpectedly clutching at him, making him want to either throw up or run from the room. He knew he had no right to feel that way, none at all. Severus was a friend, nothing more, and he had the right to lust after whomever he wished. "I see." It was a completely inadequate response, but he simply couldn't force out any more words. Not when he felt a surge of blind, irrational hatred for someone he hadn't even met.

As if on cue, the door opened and in walked a tall, handsome man, his gait a sultry prowl. He radiated confidence, and he smiled easily at the others in the room, although it seemed to Remus that his gaze might have lingered overly long on Severus. 

"Hello." Kingsley greeted them in a deep, rich voice, his expression open and friendly. "I'm Kingsley. Happy to meet you all." 

"Welcome to our motley crew," Severus said as he rose and extended his hand, which Kingsley clasped - and held, damn him. 

"Thanks, Severus. It's good to see you again, o, captain, my captain," Kingsley replied, his smile widening into a grin. 

Remus felt all the color drain from his face, and he hurriedly turned in his chair, pretending to rummage in his backpack for a pen. Suddenly all the joy and anticipation had drained out of the new season, and he desperately wished to be somewhere - anywhere - else. The fact that he had no right to feel that way didn't make a bit of difference. Severus was a friend, and Remus had no claim on him. If he was suddenly interested in tall, dark, and unoriginal, then so be it.

The other members of the cast were greeting Kingsley, and Remus knew he'd have to do so as well. Calling upon all his reserves as an actor, he pasted a social smile on his face, rising from his chair and greeting their new member with a nod of his head. "Hello," he said, wondering how to get away with not offering his hand.

Fortunately he was saved from having to do so by the arrival of the producer, who entered the room with a bright smile, rubbing his hands together. "Good, good! I see you're all getting acquainted," he said, clapping Kingsley on the shoulder. "So what do you think of our new member?"

Remus kept silent. There were copies of the season overview on the table, and he picked one up, opening it and pretending to read it while he stared blankly at the pages, not hearing anything going on around him. He felt cold and empty inside, and he couldn't even bring himself to care where they were working the new member into the cast.

"-and this, of course, is my trusted right-hand man." Remus was abruptly jolted out of his reverie when Severus rested his hand casually on the back of Remus' head and slid it down to his neck. "Our pilot, Casey, otherwise known as Remus Lupin," Severus continued. "That's everyone except the guest stars of the week, when we have them. I'm sure you'll fit in just fine." 

"No doubt," Kingsley replied. "I'm thrilled to be part of the cast, and I'm looking forward to getting started."

Remus went still under Severus' touch. It took every bit of willpower he had not to flinch away. If ever he had wanted to throw a flaming drama queen fit he did now, and it was the one thing he simply must not do. Not matter what, he couldn't let Severus see how he was feeling at this moment, because it would wreck everything. 

Then Severus' thumb began to caress the back of his neck, and Remus couldn't take any more.

"Excuse me, sorry, I need the loo," he said, flying up from his chair as though he were on springs. He knew his smile was probably manic looking, but he didn't care. All that mattered was getting out of the room before he punched Kingsley, or Severus, or _both_. Not looking back, he strode from the room and headed down the hall to the loo, opening the door with unnecessary force. He headed immediately into a stall, closing the door and latching it behind himself, then sitting down and dropping his head into his hands.

Somewhere in the last fifteen minutes something had gone horribly pear-shaped, and Remus didn't know how to deal with it. He never reacted like this. _Never_ , not even when his parents had kicked him out. He'd been hurt, but he'd not resorted to hysterics or wanted to do unspeakable violence to them. Sure, maybe he'd gone overboard on the flirting and such just to prove to them that he wasn't ashamed of what he was, but that had been directed as much inward at his own insecurities as it had been outward at their narrow-minded bigotry. This, however... this was something different, and he didn't like it. He didn't like not feeling in control of himself, which was something he'd not felt since... Since a long time before.

That didn't bear thinking about, and Remus resolutely pushed it down. He was an actor, damn it all, and he could act. He could do this, no matter what it cost him. It was his problem anyway, not Severus', and not even Kingsley's, as unwelcome as that thought was. For a moment he toyed with the thought of just quitting the show and walking away from the lot of them, but he knew in the long run that wasn't an option.

No, he was simply going to have to suck it up and deal with it. As the saying said, it didn't matter if your heart was breaking... no matter what, the show had to go on.


	7. Chapter 7

While they waited for Remus to return so they could begin the meeting, the rest of the cast broke up into little groups, and Severus didn't hesitate to pull Kingsley aside. 

"Well?" he asked, raising a questioning eyebrow, and Kingsley shook his head with amusement. 

"Girlfriend, if looks could kill, I'd be dead on the floor," he replied, and Severus chuckled somewhat breathlessly in relief. 

He didn't mind the casual form of address from Kingsley; unbeknownst to the rest of the cast, the two of them weren't strangers. Far from it. They had met years before on the set of _EastEnders_ , where they'd both had very small and very brief recurring roles. They had hit it off straight away and stayed in touch, and Severus was quite pleased to be working with his old friend once more. It helped, too, to get an objective opinion about his chances with Remus. He'd _hoped_ he hadn't been seeing what he wanted to see, but if Kingsley thought Remus had been jealous, then perhaps Severus hadn't been imagining the subtle signs. 

"You need to go and get your man," Kingsley continued. "Preferably before he lets loose on _me_." 

"He's not the violent type," Severus replied. "And I can't just go and get him, as you put it. There's something... I don't know what it is or why it's there, but..." He trailed off and shook his head. "My gut tells me I need to be careful."

"Severus on the prowl." Kingsley gave a mock shiver. "I like it. If Miss Thing has any sense, she will too." 

Severus rolled his eyes and gave Kingsley a friendly nudge with his elbow. "We'll see. I need to think. I don't want to come on too strong and frighten him off, but at least I know he's interested now."

That had been the biggest question haunting Severus over the past few weeks, the one thing holding him back from pursuing Remus in earnest. But now that he knew he had a chance, he intended to do whatever it took to become more than just Remus Lupin's friend. He didn't want friendship. He didn't even want casual sex. He wanted _everything_. Now all he had to do was figure out how to get it.


	8. Chapter 8

"Cut! Remus, you missed your cue again!" The director, a hot-tempered young man who was considered a rising star in the television industry, glared at him, and Remus sighed, putting a hand to his head.

"Yeah, sorry," he said, shaking his head apologetically. "I've got a bit of a headache. Shall we go again?"

"Yes. And don't miss the cue this time," the director groused, sitting back in his chair and gesturing for the camera to start rolling again. "Take it back to Brook's line.... Action!"

"I don't know if I trust the new man," Luna said, wringing her hands in the persona of her character, her pale blue eyes round with pretend worry. "Casey... what if he's an agent? What if he's here to wreck everything?"

"No, I don't think so," Remus replied, shaking his head and laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The captain trusts him, and he's one of the most paranoid men alive, right? It'll be okay." He pulled her into a brotherly hug. "Don't worry, I'll keep you safe, princess. No one is going to hurt you while Casey's around."

"I hope you're right," Luna said, sighing and closing her eyes. "I really hope you're right."

"Cut! Much better," the director approved, and Remus sighed with relief as he patted Luna on the shoulder and released her.

"Sorry about that," he said to her, knowing the mess ups in the filming of their scene - an emotional, bonding moment for Brook and Casey - were all his fault.

"It's all right," she replied with a smile. Her eyes searched his face. "Is something wrong, Remus? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, no, nothing's wrong," he denied, completely untruthfully, smiling reassuringly. "Thanks for the offer, but I'll just go take something for my head."

"All right," Luna said, and Remus smiled and left the set, relieved to get the scene done at last.

It wasn't supposed to be this hard. Work for him had never been work before now. Not until Kingsley had joined the cast and turned the job Remus loved into a chore, something he dreaded rather than anticipated. Before this, Remus never missed a cue, never blew lines - well, not unless Severus was distracting him with some prank - but now he couldn't focus on anything. All because Kingsley Shacklebolt had breezed in and sucked all the joy out of life like some hulking gothic vampire.

He stopped at the catering table, retrieving a bottle of cold water. He downed half of it quickly, hoping the cold would help revive him from the stupor he seemed to have been in all day. It was a small mercy that his first two scenes of the day had been with Luna and Fleur; he simply wasn't up to dealing with a scene with Severus or Kingsley yet. He didn't know when he'd be ready for _that_ \- maybe in a couple of years.

A bottle of ibuprofen appeared over his shoulder, held by a graceful, long-fingered hand right about the time Remus felt the warmth of someone's presence close behind him. "Luna said you had a headache," Severus said, his voice quiet and tinged with concern. "I thought you might want something stronger than aspirin. We've got a long day of filming ahead of us."

Remus froze for a moment, his heart racing at the realization that Severus had crept up on him unawares. He wanted to simply turn and walk away, but he couldn't do that; Severus was still his friend, no matter how painful it was being around him and knowing that Severus was thinking about _him_. He could feel the calm mask he'd worn the day his parents disowned him slip down into place, the mask he'd developed to hide his pain from others. Turning, he accepted the bottle from Severus.

"Thanks," he murmured, opening the bottle and taking out two of the pills. His movements were slow and precise as he returned the bottle to Severus, then swallowed the pills and washed them down with another long drink of water. "There. Should be better soon."

"Hopefully." Severus scrutinized him thoroughly, peering at him with a shrewd gaze that he hoped didn't see more than he cared to reveal. "I should have guessed something was wrong when the set didn't erupt into chaos before the end of the first scene. You usually launch off the first day of filming with some kind of joke, and I'm chagrined at having to admit I missed it."

"I don't feel much like joking, I'm afraid," Remus replied, giving a slight shrug. He took another drink of water just to have something to do. "Thanks again for the pills. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go spend some time with my script; I obviously didn't absorb my lines as well as I thought I had."

"Little wonder," Severus replied. "It always seems more difficult to memorize all the technobabble just after a break." He paused and studied Remus speculatively again. "Tell you what: why don't you come over to my place for dinner tonight? We've got a couple of long scenes together coming up later this week, and we can help each other run lines. I'll cook if you bring the wine."

Remus' eyes widened; Severus had never invited him over before, but his initial surge of happiness at the invitation was quickly subdued by the thought that if things between Severus and Kingsley had gotten serious, Kingsley might be there, and there wasn't a chance in _hell_ that Remus could have a meal with the two of them together. "Er... Thanks for the invitation, but I'm not really up to being around many people, not the way I'm feeling. Maybe... some other time."

"Since when do I count as many people?" Severus raised one eyebrow, his voice tinged with incredulousness. "I meant you and me, period. I'm damned well not going to feed the entire cast. You know how actors are around free food, the greedy buggers."

Desire to accept warred with fear that he might accidentally let something slip, so Remus stood indecisively, biting his lip as he tried to decide if he could possibly keep his mask in place for several hours. He supposed he could always plead a return of his headache and leave if things got too stressful. In fact, he could put a good face on it by accepting now and canceling later if he suddenly turned coward.

"All right," he said quietly. "Thank you. What kind of wine should I bring?"

"Something that goes well with chicken, but don't worry overly much about it," Severus replied. "I'm not a wine connoisseur. As long as it doesn't come in a box, I'll be satisfied."

Remus smiled at that. The expression was only a ghost of his normal grin, and he knew it, and he knew Severus would know it, but hopefully the headache excuse would cover for that as well. "White wine, no box. I think I can handle that. What time?"

"Eight o'clock or thereabouts," Severus said. "I don't have as much scheduled to shoot today as you do, so I may get to leave a little earlier than you. Just come over when you're ready, and if dinner isn't finished, you probably won't have long to wait."

"Okay," Remus agreed, drawing in a deep breath and hoping that he wasn't making even more trouble for himself. What good was it to torture himself with being near Severus if Severus was interested in someone else? Yet there didn't seem to be a way to refuse without rousing Severus' suspicion, and Remus had no doubt that if Severus had any inkling he was sick with jealousy over Kingsley, Severus would wear at him until he got at the whole truth. So he had to be very, very careful to keep his feelings bottled up, and he just hoped that Severus didn't ask him something like what he thought of Kingsley. Heaven knew Remus wouldn't be able to give a civil answer no matter how hard he tried. "Eight it is. Thanks." He paused, then sighed. "I should go. I have a few minutes until my next scene and I really do need to brush up. See you tonight?"

Severus' dark eyes gleamed with something almost predatory, and when Severus smiled, it wasn't entirely reassuring. "Yes, I'll see you then." 

With that, he walked away with a gait that reminded Remus of a stalking jungle cat. Remus watched him go, swallowing hard against the feeling that he had fallen into something he wasn't quite prepared for. Then again, with Severus Snape, Remus wasn't sure that there was any preparation in the world that would possibly suffice.


	9. Chapter 9

It was five past eight o'clock when Remus arrived at Severus' flat, a bottle of good white wine tucked into a paper sack in his hand. He had changed his mind about actually showing up about a million times over the course of the day, but in the end, his desire to be near Severus won out over his fear of Severus seeing too much and his tendency to mope about Kingsley. He'd showered after filming had wrapped, then made a stop by a liquor store before making his way to Severus' home. He couldn't help but approve of the area where Severus lived, which looked solidly prosperous without being ostentatious. It was a comfortable, inviting neighborhood, and Severus' building was well maintained, which didn't really surprise Remus, given how sensible Severus was about most things. It was certainly a far cry from his own flat in Soho, which had the advantage of a fantastic location and boasted the over-the-top sorts of people and flats for which the area was famous.

He'd dressed in his normal jeans and jumper combination, not wanting Severus to think he was trying to read anything more into this than exactly what it was - a friendly, working dinner between professionals. It was the only way he could talk himself into going, and he hoped it would be enough to let him stay without making a fool of himself by throwing himself at Severus' feet or something.

Drawing in a fortifying breath, Remus raised his hand and knocked.

A moment later, the door was flung open, and Severus ushered him inside. "Come in," he said brusquely, as he stood aside. "Dinner is almost ready. You can come into the kitchen with me and keep me entertained while I finish up." 

As soon as the door was closed and locked behind Remus, Severus turned and headed back to the kitchen, beckoning for Remus to follow - and giving Remus a good look at the way his faded jeans clung to his arse. Severus was wearing an almost equally worn black tee-shirt with a Dalek above a caption reading "Exterminate" on the front, which wouldn't have been so bad except it revealed his bare arms, which were firm and well-muscled, proving that he did indeed work out as he had claimed. As if things couldn't possibly be worse, Severus was barefoot as well. 

"Oh," Remus breathed, unable to take his eyes from the sight of Severus' long, elegant feet. Then he covered quickly. "Okay," he added, hoping Severus hadn't noticed the pause in between. Fortunately following Severus gave him a perfect opportunity to let his eyes wander over Severus' firm arse and nicely angled shoulders without being observed. An ache of longing coiled within him, and he wished that things were different; that _he_ were different, and could be the kind of man who could jump at Severus, begging for his touch and attention and damn the consequences.

So focused was he on Severus' body that he didn't even notice where they were going, and he had no impressions at all of Severus' flat until they reached the kitchen. At that point, he was forced to tear his eyes away, and he glanced around the kitchen, trying to get the image of what Severus would look like naked out of his mind.

"Um, nice place," he said, gesturing vaguely around the kitchen. "I see you like it neat."

"I do, yes," Severus replied as he moved around the marble-topped island and positioned himself in front of the stove. "Using a maid service helps, because God knows I don't have the time or inclination for housework myself." 

On closer inspection, Remus found the kitchen to be a far cozier room than he'd expected for a reserved man like Severus. The colors were warm and the style was informal, definitely not a decorator's showpiece; everything seemed designed to be useful, functional, and convenient, and Remus noticed two shelves in one of the glass-doored cabinets were stuffed full of cookbooks. He could even hear the soothing strains of a Jazz CD from some hidden speakers. On the whole, the arrangement of the room and its lived-in feel implied Severus spent a great deal of time here, which was surprising. 

"Make yourself comfortable," Severus added, gesturing to a couple of cushioned stools by the island. "I have a small dining room, but I usually eat in here at the island or in front of the telly, and I didn't have time to iron the linen tablecloth, polish the silver, or make a floral centerpiece for the table for the occasion," he said, the ironic undertone in his voice making it clear he was teasing.

Remus actually chuckled at that, beginning to relax a bit in the cozy atmosphere. When it was like this, him and Severus alone in an environment that didn't include Kingsley, he found it easier to put thoughts of the big man from his mind and pretend that things were more or less the way they were before. Of course, he was far more _aware_ of Severus than he'd been before Kingsley's arrival had made him confront feelings he'd been trying to ignore, but it was a relief to remember that things between them had once been easy and comfortable, and if he could swallow his jealousy and fight off his libido, maybe they could be again.

He sat down on one of the stools, leaning forward on the island and propping his chin on his hands. He was still on guard, and he had to be careful that Severus didn't catch on to his suddenly jumbled thoughts and feelings, but after having been unnaturally standoffish and restrained all day, the slight decrease in tension was a relief. He hadn't been certain he could do this when he'd finally made up his mind to come, but now he thought it possible that he could actually get through dinner without shattering from the strain.

"Well, I'll forgive you this time," he said lightly. He sniffed appreciatively at the aromas from the pots Severus was managing, and his stomach growled loudly. Flushing, dropped his eyes. "Sorry. I haven't eaten today. With filming and studying lines, I somehow forgot." Truth was he'd lost his appetite about the time he'd lost his mind, and he'd not managed to eat more than a few bites at a time in longer than he could remember. 

Severus tsked loudly and shook his head, and then he bent over and opened the oven door to pull out a flat piece of stoneware on which was a loaf of garlic bread, cut in half, nicely browned and crisp. He sliced a couple of pieces, dropped them on a bread plate, and handed it to Remus. "Here, have some bread to tide you over. It's the closest thing I've got to an appetizer," he said. "You shouldn't forget to eat. It'll only make trying to focus and remember your lines that much harder," he added as he returned to the stove and began checking on the various dishes. "Anyway, I've got some lemon chicken, potatoes with rosemary and butter, and carrots. Pretty simple fare, but I didn't have time to pull out the gourmet guns."

It would have taken a stronger man than Remus to resist the temptation to ogle Severus' arse as he bent over the oven. The denim of his jeans clung lovingly to every angle, and Remus felt himself growing warm from a heat that had nothing to do with the oven.

"Thank you," he said, accepting the bread, as glad for something to do as he was for the food. He bit into a piece and gave a small hum of pleasure at the rich combination of butter and garlic. "This is great, Severus. What you're making is the fanciest meal I've had in weeks, and even better because it's homemade, so don't you dare apologize. I'm lucky if I can heat a tin of soup without burning it."

"If I had known that, I would have started feeding you sooner," Severus replied as he busied himself with dishing up the food. "I enjoy cooking. In fact, if my acting career hadn't taken off when it did, I would have quit and gone to culinary school, and I'd be a chef instead of starring in _Star Quest_ right now."

"Really?" Remus was surprised at that, and he didn't hide it. He took another bite of the garlic bread, which was some of the best he'd ever tasted. "I'm sure you would have done well, although I never would have imagined you in a kitchen. You look so comfortable on the set, blaster in hand, totally in charge. I know Nathan is just your character, but you've definitely made him your own. No one else could play him as you do."

Severus cast a pleased look over his shoulder in response to the compliment. "I like playing him," he said. "I don't regret the path my life has taken, and I'm quite satisfied with where I am now, professionally at least." He carried two plates laden with food over to the island and placed one in front of Remus; silverware had already been set out along with a plain cloth napkin, leaving only the wine to open. "What about you?" he asked as he fetched a corkscrew and opened the wine. "Are you satisfied?"

The question startled Remus, and he found himself biting down on an instinctive reply of "I used to be." It simply wouldn't do for him to say such a thing, which would lead to more questions, questions whose answers were far too uncomfortable to even consider. Instead he covered by dabbing his lips with his napkin before answering.

"Sure," he said lightly, shrugging as though the answer were obvious. "Mmmm... the food looks as good as it smells."

"Glad you like it," Severus replied. 

After pouring a glass of wine for both of them, Severus perched on the stool beside Remus, his arm brushing Remus' as he settled in place, and he began to eat without seeming inclined to ask any follow-up questions, much to Remus' relief. 

"It's nice having someone to cook for, for a change," Severus said after a few minutes of eating in silence. "It's been just me for so long. Sometimes it scarcely seems worth the effort to prepare anything more involved than a sandwich or a frozen dinner. You'll have to come over more often and give me an excuse to flex my culinary wings again. If you don't mind being a guinea pig, that is." He glanced sidelong at Remus, his expression questioning. "It's a win-win situation, as I see it. I'll have a reason to cook more often, and you won't risk burning your tinned soup."

The invitation was a surprise, and Remus turned so that he could looks at Severus. "Me?" he asked, the question escaping him in his sudden confusion. He'd thought Severus would have been more than happy to cook for Kingsley, after he'd been all but drooling over him. 

"No, the mouse in your pocket," Severus retorted, shooting him an aggrieved look. "Of course, you. Who else would I tolerate enough to invite over regularly?"

Remus shrugged, looking down at his food. The food was delicious, but his stomach was suddenly tied in knots. Putting his fork down, he shrugged, not meeting Severus' eyes. "I figured you'd be spending time with your new costar." There, he'd said it, and now Severus could yell that it was none of his business and kick him out.

But rather than indignation, he saw something closer to amusement flash in Severus' dark eyes. 

"Kingsley?" Severus' tone was casual as he waved one hand dismissively. "He's nice to look at, but we aren't interested in each other that way. Lucky for me, since his partner would have something to say about it, I'm sure."

"Oh!" Remus looked up, more surprised and confused than ever, and also embarrassed. He could feel his cheeks flushing, and he reached for his wine, taking a drink to cover his discomfiture. When he lowered the glass, he wasn't sure what to say, because he sure as hell couldn't admit that he'd been wildly jealous to the point of wishing Kingsley would drop off the face of the planet. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his fork again; at least knowing Severus wasn't interested in Kingsley made the aching knot in his chest ease quite a bit. Embarrassment would fade, in time. He hoped.

"In that case, I don't mind being a guinea pig," he said, a small smile of relief playing about his lips without him even being aware of it. "You'll be a hero for rescuing all those poor, innocent soup tins."

"Good." Severus appeared pleased as well as he clapped his hand on Remus' shoulder, a seemingly friendly gesture - until he slid his hand over to rest on the back of Remus' neck. "Mind you, I can't guarantee you'll like everything, but I can promise it won't be burned."

The feel of Severus' warm hand on the sensitive skin of his neck sent a shiver down Remus' spine. He wasn't used to being touched, and he was acutely aware of every bit of skin where they were in contact. More than just the touch, however, was the fact that this was _Severus_ touching him, and he had to hold himself in check to keep himself from arching his neck to invite even more.

Of course, he couldn't do that, and he _did_ have to reply. "Er... not burned is good." Not eloquent, but at least it hadn't been an incoherent moan.

"That is the general consensus, yes," Severus replied dryly. He slid his hand down the length of Remus' back in what felt suspiciously like a caress before letting it fall away and returning his full attention back to his own plate. "Would you prefer to set specific nights aside or would you rather wing it?"

"Either way," Remus replied. He felt a trifle bereft at the loss of contact, and he sternly told himself to get a grip before he did or said something stupid. Or more stupid than he already had done. "I'm easy, really." He drew in a deep breath, then smiled at Severus with something closer to his former brightness than he'd felt since the cast meeting. "Thank you, Severus. But I'm going to have to come up with something to do for you in return. I'm not about to become one of those mooching actors in your eyes.

"You're giving me something to do with my leftovers," Severus replied. "That counts for a great deal. At any rate, let's set a couple of nights to start with, and then we can see how it goes with our respective schedules. Do Wednesday and Saturday suit you?"

"Sure, that would be great," Remus said, digging into his food with renewed appetite. Before the new season had begun, they'd gone out once or twice a week, but it made sense now with their schedules to keep things to dinners. He'd not realized - consciously, at least - how important his friendship with Severus was to him, filling a void in his life he'd not wanted to acknowledge existed. And if a tiny part of him cried out for more, he sternly told it to shut up. This was great, just what he needed, and hopefully his companionship gave Severus something in return. What they had now was safe, and Remus knew he could be happy with that. He'd just have to be.

After a moment, he reached for the wine bottle, refilling their glasses. "I meant it about doing something in return, you know," he said, lifting his glass and smiling playfully at Severus. "I'm more than just a pretty face and burnt soup. I insist on doing the dishes and at least some of the shopping. In fact... perhaps I should challenge you, master chef! Bring over a bag of mystery ingredients and see what you can make with them?"

"So I can train to compete on _Iron Chef_?" Severus raised one haughty eyebrow at him. "All right, fine. You do the washing up and bring the groceries, and I'll see what I can do with them. But I repeat: there isn't any guarantee you'll like what I make, and I only guarantee that it won't be burned, so if you bring an assortment of odd ingredients, you'll get an odd dish."

"I'm an actor; believe me, I've learned to eat just about anything," Remus replied. He pointed at his nearly empty plate with his fork. "This is absolute ambrosia, especially compared with some of the things I had while in my 'starving actor' days. I not only waited tables at crappy restaurants in Soho while I was looking for a break, I also did washing up and emptying rubbish bins just to make ends meet. Even burnt soup is a step up from some of the stuff I had to eat in those days.

"Those days are over. I doubt you'll ever have to worry about waiting tables again." Severus sat back and sipped his wine, regarding Remus with that speculative look again as if he was trying to figure something out or make a decision. "If you think this is ambrosia, I can't imagine what you'll have to say when I _really_ show you what I can do." He paused for a scant beat. "In the kitchen, I mean," he added, his expression deadpan.

Remus laughed appreciatively, ignoring the sudden breathlessness he felt wondering exactly what else Severus could make cook when he put his mind to it. Severus was twitting him, and it felt good to be able to respond normally again. "In the kitchen? Well, of course. I'd expect you're versatile in all rooms of the house," he said, teasing as he'd always done. "It wouldn't do for the captain not to wield his authority on his own ship, so to speak."

"Precisely," Severus drawled, stretching one leg out and resting it on the rung of Remus' stool so that their legs brushed lightly. "The captain is quite adept and quite authoritative in various ways."

Remus' leg tingled at the contact, and he tried hard not to let it affect him. He couldn't overreact to Severus accidentally touching him, or Severus would think he'd lost his mind. "And the captain definitely is that," he replied. He sat back as well and sighed with pleasure. "This was great. I don't think I've eaten that much in weeks."

"I cooked a whole chicken," Severus said, shifting on his stool and bringing their legs into closer contact, although he seemed unfazed by it. "You'll have to take some of the leftovers to hold you over until Saturday. Believe me, I'll have plenty remaining for myself, so you needn't feel shy about taking it. It'll only go in my freezer otherwise, so you may as well take it and enjoy it."

Remus didn't move away, although he knew he probably should have. What was the harm in enjoying the casual touch, especially as Severus didn't seem to mind? It wasn't as though he were throwing himself into Severus' lap, as impossible and appealing as that thought was. He strove to keep things light. "Ah, I begin to see your evil plan," he said, waggling a finger at Severus, narrowing his eyes. "Don't think I don't know what you're up to!"

The look of alarm that crossed Severus' face was so fleeting that a moment later, Remus thought perhaps he'd imagined it, especially when Severus gazed at him with bland innocence. 

"Oh?" Severus asked casually. "What is it you think I'm up to?"

"This is your convoluted plot to be able to stop working out," Remus accused, although his lips twitched with the effort to keep from laughing. "You lure me in with delicious homemade dinners, send me home with leftovers, stuff me until I am a complete pudge. That way you can eat whatever _you_ want without spending hours at the gym, because there's no way you could get bigger than me. Naughty, naughty Severus! But I've found you out, haven't I?"

For an instant, Remus thought he saw relief in Severus' eyes, but then Severus smirked at him. "Curses, my nefarious scheme has been foiled," Severus drawled. "Well, there's a simple solution, you know. You could work out with me to make certain we both keep the pudge at bay. I could always use someone to spot me."

"Oh?" Remus tilted his head, considering. "Where do you work out, at the studio gym?"

"Sometimes, yes," Severus replied. "It's the quickest and most convenient location, but there's a gym not far from here as well. They're good about giving me space and privacy there, and I've been going long enough that the regulars aren't inclined to be star-struck any longer. It's rather difficult to keep that celebrity mystique when you've been seen sweating and grunting your way through a work-out."

"Tell me about it!" Remus said, nodding his head in understanding. "I sweat in a truly disgusting fashion, and it's definitely not the way you want people to be seeing you. I have used the studio gym, too, but mostly I use a stationary bike I have at home. But I'm quite happy to join you; it'll turn a chore into something more social."

"If nothing else, we can motivate each other to work off the effects of encroaching pudge." Severus seemed quite pleased by the arrangement, and he reached out to squeeze Remus' shoulder companionably. "It will be more enjoyable than peddling nowhere on a stationary bike."

"That it will," Remus said, fighting off images of Severus in a tank top, skin glistening with sweat and face flushed with effort. He began to feel a little warm himself at the thought. "Um, how often do you like to work out? Maybe we could do it before call?"

"That suits me." Severus slid his hand from Remus' shoulder to his elbow before letting go. "I prefer to exercise at least four or five days per week. When would you like to get started?"

Remus' breath caught at the caress, but he smiled and considered the question. "Well, considering the way you stuffed me tonight, I think that tomorrow would be good. Does that work for you?"

Severus' expression turned downright evil. "Oh, you mean with _food_. Right. Certainly, tomorrow is fine with me. I'll meet you there bright and early."

It was only Severus' reply that made him realize what he'd said, and Remus blushed. "Right, tomorrow. Bright and early." He glanced up at the kitchen clock and sighed. "I suppose we should get busy on those lines, don't you think? I don't want to get yelled at by the director again."

"We might as well. I would hate to be the cause of you getting yelled at again." Severus slid off his stool and stretched lazily before turning to Remus and holding out his hand. "Come on, then, Pilot Smartass. Let's see how long it takes for you to get all that technobabble down cold. Longer than me, I wager."

Remus looked at Severus' outstretched hand, hesitating for a moment. This wasn't unconscious; it was deliberate. And yet... it wasn't _that_ big of a deal, was it? They were friends, and friends touched; it was that simple. He lifted his hand and placed his palm against Severus'. "I'll take that bet," he said casually, as though holding Severus' hand were something he'd done a million times before. He slid off of his stool as well, straightening with a sigh and giving Severus' hand a squeeze. "Thank you. For dinner, and for helping me out. It means a lot to me."

Severus returned the squeeze gently, his angular features seeming to soften as he looked at Remus. "My pleasure."

There was no help for it; Remus could do nothing but stare at Severus. He wanted to reach out and touch Severus' face, to brush a lock of the long, dark hair back from Severus' face, but he couldn't. Instead he smiled. "All right, then... let's get started. If I get the technobabble down before you, you have to buy me dessert. If you don't... I'll buy you dessert. Sound fair?"

"Quite," Severus replied, but rather than release Remus' hand, he kept hold of it and tugged gently, seeming intent on leading Remus out of the kitchen.

Remus followed along, unable to do anything else without being rude. Not that he wanted to release Severus' hand anyway; he rather liked it just where it was. "You know... I forgot my script," he said, then laughed self-consciously. "Mind if I share yours?"

"No, not at all," Severus replied, sounding amused. "Just remember that when it comes to grabbing the script during a particularly long passage of jargon, the captain won't hesitate to pull rank."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Remus replied, giving a patented Pilot Smartass salute. "Where are we going? And will there be anything to drink?"

Severus opened his mouth and then shut it again, remaining silent for a moment before finally speaking. "We're going in here," he said, gesturing to a cozy room with comfortable looking furniture in warm colors and a pricey-looking entertainment system with a large, flat screen television and a stereo which was obviously the source of the Jazz they'd been listening to in the kitchen. "I have a small liquor cabinet, or you can go back and get the wine from the kitchen. By all means, have a drink. The more inebriated you are, the better I can press my advantage." Another beat. "With line memorization."

"Of course." Remus grinned, then released Severus' had as he headed toward the liquor cabinet. He wasn't going to get drunk, or even tipsy; he couldn't afford it, since there would be too much of a risk that he'd do or say something wrong, let out too many off his inner desires. No doubt with the attraction he felt and his need to hide it, it was going to be a very long night.

And yet he wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

Over the past two weeks, Severus had been methodically working his way under Remus' defenses; he made regular offers of food and avoided making any sudden movements that might send Remus scurrying for safety, and while it had been maddening at times and resulted in more cold showers and solitary wanking than he'd indulged in since he was under the age of twenty-five, he thought he'd made progress. 

He had to tread carefully with Remus. He recognized the walking wounded when he saw them; he'd seen The Look in the faces of children on the streets of London, in his own face staring back at him in the mirror. He knew The Look well, and even though Remus hid it behind charming smiles and jokes, it was there. Severus didn't know why or how; he only knew that Remus had been hurt, and that meant he couldn't simply say, "Look, I fancy you. Let's shag." That was the surest way to send Remus running, and so he kept burrowing and chipping away in hopes that once Remus figured out Severus wasn't on the safe side of the wall anymore, it would be too late. 

It was, after all, too late for Severus. The kiss had shown him they had natural chemistry, but after spending so much time with Remus, shaping his routine to fit Remus', and getting to know the real man beneath the shallow, flaming facade, Severus had fallen hard. The stronger his own feelings grew, the more difficult it was to keep his touches casual and non-threatening, to resist the urge to snog Remus breathless, or to do anything foolish and impulsive that might ruin everything. 

To make matters worse, the writers of _Star Quest: Tranquility_ had decided to indulge in a bit of fan service and up the UST between Nathan and Casey. Severus had no idea if they would let the relationship go anywhere; _Torchwood_ had done it, but he wasn't certain the BBC would be keen on having two popular Sci Fi shows with their leading man in an on-screen homosexual relationship. As it was, he rather hoped they didn't because he thought having on-camera love scenes with Remus might strain his self-control past its limits, and he wanted an _off-screen_ romance far more. 

On the set, the rest of the crew were wrapping up a scene in which they were collectively fretting about the fates of their captain and their pilot, who were trapped in a cave with a rapidly dwindling oxygen supply, and trying to device the deus ex machina of the week to rescue them. Severus listened to the scene with half an ear from his vantage point nearby, and he flipped idly through the rest of the script to refresh his memory on the most recent changes while he lounged in his canvas-backed chair and waited to be called.

"If I were the type of man to like distressed, heaving bosoms, I imagine Fleur's would be quite nice in her anxiety over Captain Tightpants' fate," Remus said, coming up behind him and plucking the script from his hands. "As it is, I wonder that she doesn't hurt herself, bouncing around like that. Or knock Bill unconscious."

"Somehow, I doubt he would mind the injury," Severus replied sardonically. "Did you forget your script again or are you hoping to cause me to flub my lines in the middle of our scene?"

"What lines there are mostly heavy breathing and significant looks." Remus shook his head, giving Severus a rueful grin. "Seems that the con did more than raise a lot of money for charity. The producers apparently thought the fan interest was worth indulging."

"I'm not surprised. Have you seen the video? You appear completely carried away," Severus replied, keeping his expression deadpan. He had seen the video of their kiss at the con - from five different angles, no less - and hadn't been at all surprised to learn there had been an explosion of both Nathan/Casey and Severus/Remus stories in the fan forums. His manhandling of Remus and the kiss combined had produced a flurry of posting in various _Star Quest_ forums all over the Internet, so it was little wonder the powers that be had picked up on it and decided to incorporate it into the show. 

"Yes, I've seen the videos." There was a flush on Remus' cheeks, and he lowered his gaze in what seemed to be an unconsciously coy expression. "You looked very... dominating. Very much in control of the situation. No one would have known you were a novice at cons."

Severus allowed himself the luxury of a smirk at that; Remus' reaction was promising, and he wanted to offer to show Remus exactly how dominating and in control he could be, but they weren't anywhere near that stage yet. 

"I'm an actor," he pointed out. "Not to mention naturally... dominant."

"That's apparent," Remus replied. He was still blushing, and he leafed through the script briefly before handing it back to Severus with a smile. "Thanks. I just wanted to freshen up a bit. I'm glad we've been doing the line runs together. I think it's helped to make our scenes more intense, don't you?"

"Yes," Severus replied, his voice huskier than he liked as he gazed steadily at Remus. 'Intense' was an excellent way to describe how he felt, and he was doing his damnedest to make Remus feel it too. He knew he could make Remus blush and grow flustered, but he couldn't gauge whether it was safe to push a little, to cross that line from friend to potential lover yet. "It's been quite helpful for me too."

"Good, I'm glad," Remus said. "So have the work..." He stopped as a buzz sounded from his pocket, and he pulled out a cellphone, turning away to answer it in a low voice.

Severus couldn't hear the conversation, nor even most of Remus' side of it, except that his voice was low and held a decided note of concern. "No, no... I'll come as soon as I can. It will be a short time, but I'll be there. Right." With that, he hung up, slipping the phone back into his pocket and drawing a deep breath.

Severus regarded him curiously. "What was that all about?"

Slowly Remus turned around, his expression set in lines of worry. "I, um... it was from NSPCC. The charity I support. I volunteer there too, sometimes. They were just letting me know that one of the children I've worked with is going through a bit of a hard time. They'd like me to come and see him."

"Really?" Severus couldn't help but stare at him in surprise. Just when he thought he had Remus figured out, Remus revealed something new, an unexpected level of depth. He considered asking for details, but he didn't want to push too hard and risk Remus shutting down on him. It was a careful line he had to walk, and so he kept his questions to himself - for now - and filed away the information to chew on later. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked instead.

A sad smile curved Remus' lips. "Thanks, but no. I'll go talk to him after taping is finished. It's hard for the kids who have been abused, hard for them to trust again. Neville has begun to trust me, so I need to be there for him. I'm afraid I'll miss our dinner tonight. I'm sorry." There was definitely a note of regret in Remus' voice, despite his obvious worry.

Even though he knew Remus was canceling their 'date' for a good reason, Severus couldn't help but be disappointed. He'd grown accustomed to their routine, and he enjoyed cooking for Remus and spending quiet evenings together, just the two of them. They did help each other with their lines, but they talked too and sometimes watched a film or something on the telly, a large bowl of popcorn propped between them. 

"You'll have to find a way to make it up to me," he said at last, trying not to look or sound as disappointed as he felt.

Remus' eyes were immediately apologetic. "I will, I promise. Whatever you'd like. Just name it."

"I'll think about it and let you know," Severus replied, flipping through the script idly. "Fortunately for you, the captain is in a merciful mood today, so it ought not be too heinous a task."

"So I won't be set to swabbing the deck or pumping the bilge? That's a relief!" Remus smiled and laid a hand on Severus' shoulder, squeezing gently. He'd slowly started initiating touches himself, but he was definitely hesitant, almost as though worried he was pushing some boundary or was waiting for Severus to rebuff him. For a man who had very little shyness or modesty with words, Remus was physically restrained, possibly even less of a touchy-feely person than Severus was himself.

Severus reached up and covered Remus' hand lightly with his own, savoring the warmth while he could. "No, I won't set you to manual labor," he replied. "And I certainly won't ask you to cook for me either." 

Remus laughed quietly. "That's simply good common sense, not mercy," he retorted. He opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut short by the arrival of the third assistant director, who glared at them impatiently.

"Due on set, you know," he said, pointing to his watch. "We're on a tight schedule!"

"Right. We're always on a tight schedule." Remus closed his eyes for a moment, appearing to gather himself, then opened them again. He turned his hand over under Severus', catching his fingers and pulling at him. "Let's not keep the man waiting, Severus. Hard as it is to believe, there is actually someone around here who outranks the captain!"

Severus gave a little snort at that, but he allowed Remus to urge him to his feet, although he didn't release Remus' hand even when he was upright. "So they say. Let's go, then. The sooner we get this scene in the can, the sooner you can be about your business."

"Right," Remus replied, nodding firmly. "I'll call you afterward, if that's all right - I might need a little moral support of my own."

"Of course," Severus said quickly. "I'll be home. Call or come by if you like." He hesitated, debating about whether to go out on a limb, and then he decided to push just a little. "I'll be here when you need me. Any time, anywhere."

The smile Remus gave him was dazzling, and Remus squeezed his hand tightly. "Thank you for that. It means the world to me."

"My pleasure," Severus replied, a little gruffly. He wasn't much for emotional displays, especially not in front of other people, but he wanted Remus to realize he intended to be a part of Remus' life, one that was stable, trustworthy, and hopefully permanent.


	11. Chapter 11

Remus finished brushing his teeth and rinsing his mouth, then he straightened, looking at his face in the mirror over the sink. He noted the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes and beside his mouth, and thought that all in all, he didn't look too bad for a man pushing forty. He was toned and muscular, thanks to the regular workouts with Severus, and he appreciated them greatly because Severus was a fantastic cook, and he knew he would have been as big as a house if they'd not spent five mornings a week at the gym.

It was both gratifying and at the same time bittersweet that he was spending so much time in Severus' company. Gratifying because he enjoyed the time immensely, since Severus was not only intelligent, he was also interesting, but also bittersweet because Remus knew it could never lead to anything more. He was glad, in a way, that Severus never talked about his past, that he held some part of himself in reserve, because it allowed Remus to do the same thing. There were things he simply couldn't say to Severus, secrets he could never tell, and it was for that reason that he knew they would never be anything more than good friends.

Not that it hurt to have a good friend, Remus told himself firmly as he turned away from the mirror, shutting off the bathroom light and walking into his bedroom. Good friends were nice to have. He could even claim that Severus was his best friend, although that was mainly for the reason that Remus didn't have many friends, and definitely none of them had been allowed so far into his personal space as Severus. Remus was a social animal on the outside, but while he had a wide circle of acquaintances and was regularly invited to parties and such with large groups, the only person with whom he spent any significant one-on-one time with was Severus. It was a fact that would probably shock a lot of people, but it was all part of Remus' way of being the life of the party while holding everyone - well, almost everyone - at arms length.

He wasn't even quite sure how Severus had managed to get so close. Remus always turned down dates that would be simply himself and one other person, and he had learned to do so quite charmingly over the years. The offers had come less and less frequently in the last few years, which was both a relief and perversely deflating as well, but he knew it was for the best. Yet somehow Severus had gotten past his guard, slipping in under the guise of making it all about work. Of course for Severus, going from co-worker to friend was probably no big deal, but it was for Remus, and while he enjoyed his time with Severus, he knew it was also a risk. One that he couldn't seem to stop himself from taking.

Pulling back the coverlet, Remus slipped between the sheets of his bed, fluffing up the pillows and lying back against them with a sigh. He turned his head, allowing himself the small indulgence of gazing at the painting hanging on the wall beside him. It had been an impulse, buying the picture of Nathan and Casey that had been in the art show at the con he'd attended, but he'd had to do it. He couldn't let anyone else have that picture, not when the artist had so perfectly captured the wordless attraction between them, had managed to put on canvas Remus' own longings and hopes - hopes that unfortunately were never meant to be.

The way Casey's fingers rested just above Nathan's heart... that was where Remus' eyes were always drawn. The painting was sensual, emotional, but it was those lightly splayed fingers touching Nathan's skin that always hit Remus like a punch in the gut. Fingers that spoke of hesitancy, of yearning, of hopes and fears and dreams all tangled up inside. Fingers that begged for understanding, that searched for peace and comfort and love from the man they touched. It was a gesture that Remus longed to make himself, and yet he knew he never could. He had learned to live with it, and he had attained a state of peace and acceptance at long last, but he knew he was scarred inside from his experiences, and therefore could never be the kind of man that Severus deserved.

Abruptly Remus turned his head, unable to bear looking at the painting any longer. He knew part of why he felt so raw and vulnerable of late had to do with Neville. The poor boy had been through as much as Remus had, and while Remus had the filter of years between his own experiences and his adult self, Neville was still the frightened, trembling child Remus had been himself, and it tore at Remus' heart to see it and remember himself at the same age. He didn't tell Neville that, of course, nor did he speak to the others at NSPCC about it, but he had a feeling that his deepest secrets were probably not so secret in certain quarters. Oh, they didn't know specifics, but somehow those who had been deeply hurt could sense the same thing in others, could recognize what they had been through themselves in the haunted eyes of other victims. That was one reason why he was certain Neville had latched on to him almost from the moment they'd met; Neville was hurting, and he knew Remus understood without having to know the whys and wherefores of it. Neville sensed a kindred soul, even as Remus did, and that was why he could talk to Remus and tell him things that he couldn't tell anyone else.

Unfortunately the road to recovery wasn't one that necessarily moved in a straight line in one direction, as though it were an express highway from broken to fixed. No, it was much more like a mountain trail, one with dips and peaks that twisted and turned in unexpected ways, sometimes even doubling back upon itself before one was making progress again. Neville's beginning trauma was several months behind him, but he had good stretches and rough patches, and it had been rough of late because his case had come to trial. That was dredging up everything again, ripping the scabs off Neville's wounds and baring them to the open air again, leaving the poor boy raw and bleeding. Sometimes he couldn't even talk to Remus about what he was going through, but Remus made it a point to be available as best as he could between filming and time with Severus. Remus was nothing like a professional counselor, of course, and Neville had at least two of those, but there were times when he would curl in on himself and Remus would be called, because only he seemed able to help coax Neville out of his protective shell when he'd retreated that far.

It was good that Severus understood when Remus had to cancel one of their dinners or rush off right after work to help talk Neville out again. He couldn't tell Severus everything about what was going on because he had to protect Neville's privacy, but the things he _could_ say seemed to be sufficient. He even fancied he'd seen respect in Severus' eyes, and that warmed him in ways he didn't dare exam too closely, and the disappointment that was clear in that deep, husky voice when Remus had to cancel something they'd planned was a definite boost to his ego. Not that he had any illusions that Severus wanted anything more than friendship from him, despite the fact that the whole thing with Kingsley had been settled. But in the privacy of his own home, Remus sometimes allowed himself to dream what it might be like if they really were Nathan and Casey, rather than themselves. It was a fantasy straight out of one of the fanfiction stories, of course, but everyone had a right to dream.

He closed his eyes, and he must have drifted off - with visions of Nathan and Casey snogging playing in his unconscious mind - when he was startled awake by the ringing of his cell phone. He didn't bother with a landline to his flat, since he carried his cell with him everywhere and it was easier to get messages on it than worry about an answering machine. It took a moment for him to fumble for it on the nightstand, but he flipped it open and held it to his ear and answered in a groggy voice, wondering who in the world was calling at this hour of the night.

"Right. Give me five minutes, and I'll be there," he said, after listening to the frantic voice on the other end of the line. His heart was suddenly pounding, and he threw back the covers and immediately went for his closet, pulling out the first clothes he could reach and shrugging into them hurriedly. It took a minute longer to find and don his shoes, but then he headed towards the door of his flat, knowing he didn't have any time to lose. Neville had had a crisis and had apparently run away from home, and his grandmother was frantic that Remus come at once to help figure out where he'd gone.

"Keys, keys," he muttered, then turned to look for them on the small desk in his entryway where he always put them. He'd kill for a cup of coffee, or anything caffeinated to jolt his tired mind into action, but there was no time for that. Neville was only a small boy, and Remus was all too aware of what could happen to small boys who weren't safe in their own beds at home in the middle of the night. The monsters who haunted the dark didn't always look like monsters, and that was the most frightening part of all.

He ran over in his mind all the places he thought Neville might go, as he slipped his keys into his pocket and moved to the door, opening it and stepping out into the hall. He was so focused on his mental list that he almost missed to small figure huddled by the door, who looked up at him with eyes full of hurt and sadness and hope and fear.

"Neville?" he asked, shock making him stand still for a moment, before he knelt down in front of the boy, putting himself on Neville's level as best he could in order to provide reassurance and remove the body language that might make Neville think that Remus was acting in an authority role rather than one of protector and confidante. "Are you all right? How did you get here?"

"Came on the bus," Neville murmured, then bit his lip. "Your address is gran's address book."

"Yes, I suppose it is," Remus said, smiling slightly. He was relieved that Neville seemed fine, and that he wasn't in danger the way he might have been. "You were very clever to find it, and even more clever to get here. Would you like to come inside? I'll make some tea, and we'll have a chat. And we'll call your gran, all right? I was just on my way to see her, and she's worried sick about you."

"All right," Neville said, nodding, and Remus rose to his feet and offered a hand, which Neville accepted, looking suddenly shy and almost embarrassed. Remus thought he understood; whatever had driven Neville to run away, obviously the adventure of getting here had rather eclipsed it for the moment, at least, and now Neville was probably afraid that he was going to be in trouble. Personally, Remus rather doubted it; Neville's grandmother just wanted the best for him, and Remus knew Neville was very, very lucky in that regard.

"Good," Remus replied as he opened the door to his flat. "I even have some chocolate biscuits."

"Really?" Neville smiled a bit at that, and Remus couldn't help but smile as well. For all the things he'd been through, Neville was still a child, and there were times in your life when chocolate really could help make things better, at least for a little while.

Too bad they couldn't make everything better for always, because as many as they'd eaten over the last few weeks, Remus knew he and Neville both would be well healed by now.


	12. Chapter 12

Severus wasn't prone to over-reaction or paranoia, but he couldn't help but worry when Remus missed one of their scheduled dinners without letting him know first. Remus _always_ called to let him know if something came up, but tonight, Severus found himself pacing by the phone, glaring at it as if that would make it ring. Finally, he grabbed it and began calling Remus, but he was sent straight to voice mail, and that alarmed him. Remus always had his phone with him, and he answered it unless he was on the set.

He didn't want to appear over-protective or hovery, and so he made himself wait and keep trying to get through on the phone, but after hours had passed with no word from Remus, Severus thought _to hell with it_ , looked up Remus' address, and set off to find Remus and make certain he hadn't been mangled in an accident or rushed to the hospital. Hopefully, Remus was all right, but if he hadn't been mangled or hospitalized, he'd better have a damned good reason for making Severus worry all evening.

* * *

The pounding on the door echoed the pounding of Remus' head, and he frowned as he lifted the arm he'd thrown across his eyes, glancing toward the door of his flat and debating just letting whoever it was assume he wasn't home. But whomever it was seemed very persistent, and so Remus sighed and hauled himself off of the sofa where he'd collapsed, shuffling his way into the entry hall as though his feet were made of lead. He leaned his forehead against the doorframe for a moment, then straightened and unfastened the locks.

Opening the door, he blinked, surprised to find Severus standing there. "Severus? What are you doing here?" he asked in confusion.

Severus braced his fists on his hips and glared at him with what appeared to be a blend of annoyance and relief. "We had a - meeting tonight," he replied. "I've been calling for the past two hours. When you didn't show up and didn't answer your phone, I got worried."

Remus' eyes widened, and he turned, glancing at the clock on the wall and seeing that he must have fallen asleep on the sofa after Neville's parents and the counselor from NSPCC had come to get him. "Oh, God," he murmured, looking back and Severus in apology. "I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep and forgotten to plug in the phone to charge." He ran a hand through his hair, then stepped back and gestured for Severus to enter. "Please, come in, and excuse the mess. It's been a hell of a night."

"So I see," Severus replied acerbically as he swept past Remus and entered the flat, glancing around with obvious curiosity. "What happened?"

Remus closed the door and locked it, then followed in Severus' wake, looking around in surprised horror at the state of his flat. His place wasn't nearly as attractively decorated as Severus', his furniture a mixture of comfortable old jumble-sale items mixed with a couple of newer, more modern pieces. But it wasn't the clashing colors nor the theatre posters which decorated the walls that made the place look less like a lived-in bachelor flat and more like a war zone. A litter of tissues and tea mugs had overflowed the sofa table onto the floor, and there was an open pizza box on one chair, one congealed piece of pepperoni and mushroom left on the grease-soaked cardboard. He sighed, shaking his head.

"There was a bit of a crisis in the middle of the night," he explained, moving in front of Severus to sweep the pizza box off of the chair, then swayed on his feet as the headache made his head swim dizzily. "Sorry. I didn't get any sleep, at least not until I must have passed out on the sofa. Neville ran away from home last night, you see. And he came here."

Severus moved swiftly to steady Remus and held his arms in a firm, tight grasp. "That explains it, then. It's a good thing we weren't filming today, or being yelled at would have been the least of your problems. Why don't you lie down? I'll clean up this mess."

"No, no, you don't have to bother, really," Remus said, grimacing as his head pounded. "Er, do you mind if we sit down? I have a beastly headache. Enough of one that I wouldn't have hesitated to use it as a sick excuse if we'd been filming."

"You sit," Severus said firmly, pushing him toward the sofa. "Have you taken anything for your head yet?" He studied Remus closely and tsked. "You do look like hell. I think you would have got away with calling in sick if you'd needed to."

Remus managed a wan smile at that, and headed toward the sofa as instructed. He was glad Severus was here, that he'd been worried enough to come, and it made him feel warm to know Severus cared enough to look for him when he'd not shown up. "No, I've not taken anything; didn't realize my head hurt until I woke up. Of course, I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep, either." As he settled himself, he gestured toward the hallway toward the back of his flat. "Would you mind getting me some paracetamol from the bathroom cabinet, please? I'll be more coherent when my brain isn't trying to explode out of my ears."

"Of course. Just lie down and don't do anything stupid to make things worse for yourself before I get back," Severus replied, fixing him with a stern look before turning and disappearing down the corridor.

Remus did as he was told. It was nice for someone to take care of him, instead of the other way round, but then Severus had been very solicitous of him of late, even if the caretaking was often interspersed with dry comments that more often than not made Remus at least smile, if not laugh outright. He'd have to remember to do something nice for Severus in return, since he didn't want Severus to see him as a bother. He'd made certain to do the washing up after their dinners, and he helped provide the groceries as well. It simply wouldn't do for Severus to decide he was too much trouble and stop wanting to spend time with him.

Several minutes passed before Severus returned bearing the bottle of paracetamol and a glass of water, and his expression was the oddest Remus had ever seen on his face, a strange blend of caution and guarded hope. He sat down on the end of the sofa and handed over the bottle and the glass, still watching Remus closely. "Here you go," he said, his voice quiet and somber.

"Thanks." Remus sat up, taking the pills and the glass and quickly downing a dose. He placed the glass on the sofa table, then looked at Severus, wondering if something was wrong or if the combination of his tiredness and pain were just making him paranoid. "Is everything all right?" he asked pensively, hoping that he'd not done something wrong.

Severus turned his gaze down to his hands, which were loosely clasped between his knees, and was silent for a long moment before he finally looked up at Remus again. "Look," he said, sounding as if he were choosing his words with great care, "I saw the art in your bedroom. The one of Nathan and Casey from the convention. I have to know: did you buy it because you like the technique or..." He drew in a deep breath before continuing. "Or does it mean there is a chance for you and me to be something more than friends?"

Remus' eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He'd not even thought that Severus might ever seen the painting in his bedroom. That picture was his indulgence in fantasy, something he looked upon as nothing but an impossible dream, and he'd never thought anyway save himself would ever know it was there. 

Yet if he'd even dreamed Severus might see it, of all the things Severus might say when he did, that certainly wasn't one of them! He felt a flush stealing into his cheeks, but he couldn't help the way his heart suddenly pounded with hope and fear, no more than he could stop himself from blurting the question that rose to his lips at what Severus appeared to be implying. "You... you would want that? Really? With me?"

Severus' expression shifted from guardedly hopeful to aggrieved, and with a single exhalation, he managed to sound quite put-upon indeed. "Do you see me cooking for and taking care of my other friends the way I do you? I've been trying to get your attention for weeks!"

"Oh." Remus was stunned by the revelation, wondering if he'd been willfully blind or if he'd simply not believed it possible. Lifting his hands to his head, he rubbed at his temples, hunching in on himself as hope and stark, raving terror seemed to suddenly square off for an epic battle within him. In other circumstances, he might have denied it or tried to run away to protect himself, but he was tired and drained and hurting, and damn it all, he _did_ want Severus, and he had for a very long time. 

Perhaps it was a good thing Severus had seen that picture, the one Remus looked at every night before he went to sleep. He looked at Severus somberly, then took a deep breath before taking a leap he'd never taken with anyone before. "I bought it because I couldn't bear the thought of not having it," he said, his voice low and husky. "Because a part of me desperately wants what I see in that picture. Wants for you to look at me the way Nathan is looking at Casey."

Severus reached for Remus' hand and clasped it tightly. "It's a nice picture," he said, the gruffness in his voice underlaid by a hint of uncertainty. "You could probably have what you want. I'm not the most romantic, sentimental man in the world, but I'm not an ogre or made of ice, either."

"Oh, Severus, I know." Remus returned the pressure of Severus' hand, aching for the uncertainty he heard and understanding it all too well because he felt it himself. More than that in his case, but it also made a part of him feel warm and treasured to know that Severus wanted him in return. "You're a good man, a wonderful man - intelligent and intense and handsome and talented. Sexy as hell. Everything I could ever want." He paused, and took a deep breath. "I just... I don't know that it could work between us. Not because of you, though. Because of me."

"Why not?" Severus snapped his head up, frowning, and he clutched Remus' hand tighter. "I know there's an old wound under all your flaming and drama. I know the look, even when someone tries to hide it the way you do, but you're not damaged enough to put me off. So what is it? Have you convinced yourself you don't deserve happiness or some rot like that?"

Remus swallowed hard. He'd known once he made the admission that the questions would come, and he'd never spoken about it to anyone outside of his therapist. The hurts were no longer open and raw, but the scars ran deep. They had affected him for decades now, and even though his therapist had urged him time and time again to take the plunge, he'd never been able to do it. But then no one had had ever been worth the effort before. Not until Severus.

Dropping his gaze to their joined hands, Remus shook his head. "No, not like that. I know I deserve happiness as much as the next person. My problem is trust. I _am_ damaged, just in ways you can't see. Ways that make me freeze out anyone who gets too close." He looked up at Severus, searching his face. "You managed to worm in under my defenses, you know. If I'd known you were interested in me before you got in this close, I probably would have shut you out, no matter how much I wanted you. But now..." He shivered, not able to say the words aloud. He knew that he loved Severus, but he'd never allowed himself to admit it, not even in the privacy of his own mind. But he could fight now, and no doubt it wouldn't matter. Severus wouldn't want someone who was petrified of being hurt.

"Now it's too late," Severus replied, a hint of satisfaction lacing his voice, and he squeezed Remus' hand gently. "Why do you think I was so careful not to let you know my true intentions? I realized how guarded you were. It takes one to know one, as they say. You may be damaged, but I like you anyway, and since I'm already under the wall, why not let me stay?" he asked hopefully.

"Because I'm a coward." There, he'd said it, and he looked at Severus miserably. "Everyone I've ever cared about has hurt me beyond measure, or let me down to the point to where I have a nearly impossible time trusting anyone. I... freeze inside, and I back away to a safe place. I've been in counseling for years, and it's helped a great deal, but... I've not been able to let anyone close. You're the first person that I've even actually let be my friend - a real friend, not a social acquaintance - since I was in school."

"You did let me in, though," Severus pointed out. "That was a rather brave first step." He fell silent, gazing at their joined hands contemplatively. "Look, the thing is, I can't promise I won't hurt you, but I can say I understand about having trust issues and finding it difficult to let people get close. For that reason alone, I'm a better choice than most people because I get it, and I'll be careful about not causing more damage."

"I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me," Remus replied, then steeled himself to make another admission. "To be honest, the reason I let you in at first is because I thought you were straight. That made you safe, you know? I have been attracted to you since the day we met, and it only became more pronounced over the last two years. But... I don't think it would have been the same if I'd known you were gay. And by the time I found out, it was too late. But I didn't think you were interested in me, so I kept telling myself I was fine. That everything would be fine, at least." He sighed, wondering at what point Severus' understanding and patience would run out, as it inevitably would.

"For the record, I never deliberately deceived you or anyone else about my sexuality," Severus said. "I simply let people assume whatever they wanted to about me, and I didn't bother to confirm or deny their assumptions because I thought it was a non-issue. Then I kissed you at the convention, and I realized it wasn't a non-issue anymore." He regarded Remus speculatively, one eyebrow raised. "I'm not straight, and I _am_ attracted to you. Obviously you have some measure of trust in me as well as being attracted to me, or you wouldn't be telling me all this. You would have clammed up and changed the subject like you used to do. So what do you intend to do with me now?"

Remus started, blinking at Severus in surprise. He'd not considered that he _was_ showing trust simply by admitting to Severus the things that he had. Rather than making him freeze up, however, he felt something ease a bit inside of him. His counselor had assured him that one day he'd be able to take that big step, when the time and the person were right, and apparently he had. His throat tightened, his eyes prickled, and he bit his lip, because Severus didn't know _everything_ , not yet. But he needed to know, because it was something that had hung over Remus' head for more than thirty years, and had affected his life on the deepest, most primal level. "I know what I want to do. But I don't know if I can," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "You know I have trust issues... but that's not all. And you don't yet really know why."

Releasing Remus' hand, Severus smoothed his palm down the length of Remus' back and then shifted closer, tucking Remus beneath his arm. "Why don't you tell me?" he suggested quietly.

It was best that he couldn't see Severus' face, because he didn't want to break down like some great blubbering drama queen just because Severus was holding him and offering to listen, his deep voice sincere. Swallowing hard, Remus nodded. 

"You know my family disowned me when I came out," he began, closing his eyes and letting the words flow out of him, words he'd never spoken to anyone but his counselor. "That hurt horribly, but it was really the last in a much older series of emotional injuries they'd done me. It wasn't that they were bad parents, really. I do think they loved me, but they never understood me. And the biggest problem was that they never, ever believed me."

Drawing in a shuddering breath, Remus detached himself from the things he was going to admit, the way he'd been taught to do. It helped, and if he thought of Severus as being like his counselor, someone who would understand and not judge, it might be all right. He closed his eyes, then began to speak in a low, husky voice.

"When I was six, I was very fond of a family friend. Uncle Joe, I called him, though he wasn't really an uncle, just a very close friend of my parents. He always brought me gifts from his travels and told me the most wonderful stories about far away lands. He had an infectious laugh, and he loved ice cream as much as I did. So my parents didn't think anything of it, letting their good friend take their son on a special trip to an ice cream factory in the next town. It was to be a big treat, touring the plant, getting to eat ice cream right out of the vat as they made it, and staying the night at Uncle Joe's house. My first sleepover, and I was excited beyond belief." He paused, and shivered involuntarily. "And when he came into the bedroom where I was sleeping and started touching me, I was terrified and confused."

Severus' angular features darkened, and he tightened his arm around Remus in what seemed like a protective gesture, as if he could easily guess where Remus' story was heading, but he didn't interrupt, merely rubbed Remus' arm reassuringly. 

The touch soothed Remus, and he swallowed hard, Severus' gentleness touching him deeply, making him want to turn into the shelter of Severus' arms and cling to him. But he had to get through this, because if he didn't do it now, he never would, and Severus deserved to know everything. He _had_ to know, so that if he was going to walk away, he could do it before Remus lost any more of his heart to him. 

"For a time after that trip, I didn't say anything," he continued, remembering the things he'd felt as a child, remembering hearing Neville crying about the same things the previous night and wanting to soothe Neville's hurt in a way that no one had soothed his. "I didn't even know what he'd done to me. How could I? I was six years old, and at the time, there was no awareness of child sexual assault; children weren't taught about 'right touches' and 'wrong touches' in school the way they are now, unfortunately. I just knew it made me feel bad, especially since Uncle Joe said it had to be 'our secret'. But it was a secret that I instinctively knew wasn't a good one.

"My parents noticed that I was withdrawn, but they thought I was sulking because Uncle Joe went away on one of his trips again. After a while, I started coming out a bit more. Children can be amazingly resilient, even in the face of rape, mostly because they are so innocent and trusting. But then Uncle Joe came back and wanted to take me away again... and I threw a screaming fit right there in the middle of the parlor, crying so hard that I threw up. My parents were shocked, and when I tried to tell them why, they told me _I_ was wrong, that I'd misunderstood, that I must have had a nightmare because Uncle Joe wouldn't hurt me for anything in the world. Then they made me go with him so that I would 'see how wrong I was'. I suppose I don't have to tell you that I wasn't wrong. Not that time, or the other four times over the next two years that they made me go with him, certain that I was just being difficult and praising Uncle Joe for his saintly patience with their difficult son."

Severus scowled fiercely, but rather than push Remus away, he pulled Remus closer and wound both arms around him. "They were blind and stupid," he growled. "You didn't deserve to be subjected to that. No child does."

"Blind and stupid and _trusting_ ," Remus agreed. He put one arm around Severus in return, finding the closeness reassuring in the horror of his past memories. "In their defense, I will say that no one back then talked about such things or even thought them possible. Not _their_ friends or relatives, and not to _their_ child. If they talked about child molesters at all, it was in terms of filthy, homeless old men who hung about on street corners or the 'perverts' who had come out as gay. Obviously gay and child rapist went hand in hand in some people's books." He gave a mirthless chuckle. "Little did they know. But they were wrong. Sometimes child molesters _are_ the family friend, even the rich, church going businessman who drove the nice car and took the family out to nice dinners. No one suspects the monster lurking behind the face of an angel, or at least they didn't back then.

"At any rate, things might have gone on in the same fashion for years, with me withdrawing further and further from my family because I knew they didn't believe me and they wouldn't trust me and they _made_ me do something that terrified me. But then something horrible and wonderful happened. Wonderful to me at the time, but horrible to me when I was old enough to realize what it truly meant. It seems I wasn't the only child Uncle Joe was molesting. He traveled widely, and he had _lots_ of friends. Friends all over the country, many of them with small children. And he finally assaulted one child whose parents _did_ believe him, who went to the authorities and filed formal rape charges. And Uncle Joe went to jail at long last. When I was an adult, and when I finally got the counseling I needed, I looked up his case, and I wasn't shocked to discover that he'd been molesting young boys for over a decade. I wasn't the first whose parents hadn't believed him, but I'm just glad that other boy's parents did. There were dozens of victims of his throughout the country; that's the horror, and that it went on for so long. But when I was eight, I didn't know any of that; all I knew was the relief I felt when I found out he wouldn't be taking me any more. But in many ways, the damage had been done. I didn't even realize how it affected my life until I got into counseling. It's amazing how you can keep telling yourself you're all right, that what was done to you as a child didn't really matter. That you were 'over it'. That's the words my parents used when I came out to them, you know. They accused me of _pretending_ to be gay just to hurt them over that whole 'Joe thing'. They told me I should just get over it and move on. That's when I decided that if I was going to be gay, I was going to be the gayest man in London, and my parents could just 'get over it'."

"It also happens to provide an excellent means of protecting yourself from letting anyone get too close." Severus rubbed Remus' back soothingly, showing no signs of letting go. "Sometimes I wonder if there is any such thing as 'getting over' certain traumas or if the best one can hope for is moving further away from the pain. I am sorry for what happened to you, but it doesn't have to stand in the way of us unless you allow it."

"That's what my counselor says," Remus replied, letting Severus' understanding seep into the crevices of his soul that still held the ache of a young boy who hadn't been believed and who had been betrayed by the adults around him. "Thank goodness for NSPCC. I don't know that I would even be able to be here like this with you at this moment if it weren't for them. One of the first things I did when I left home and started working was donating money to them. Of course, it wasn't much at first, but a dollar at that time was a lot when I was barely able to feed and clothe myself. It grew to be more, of course, as I got better work, and then because I didn't have anything better to do with my time - or that's what I told myself, at least - I started to volunteer there. Deep down, I wanted to help children who'd been hurt as I had, to give them the belief I hadn't received. But NSPCC has a strict vetting process, and they can recognize the signs. They have to, because often child abuse and molestation is a perpetuating crime. Victims who don't get help can become perpetrators. So I was pegged immediately, and with a gentleness that moved me to tears at the time, they referred me to a program for adult victims of child molestation. One of the hardest things I did was go to that first appointment, because everyone wants to believe that they are normal and well and healthy and right in the head. But deep down, I knew I wasn't, and I went. And it made all the difference."

Raising his head, he looked at Severus somberly. "I'm better, but I can't say I'm well, or 'over it', as you pointed out. For instance..." he blushed, not wanting to say the words but knowing he'd come too far to back down now. "I'm... lousy. In bed, I mean. I tried a couple of times in my twenties, back when I was still in denial, and it was horrible. It didn't matter if I knew the person or not, or how much I was attracted to them. And since I started counseling... well, there's only been you I've been attracted to. But I don't know that it will be any better. That you wouldn't be... disappointed in me."

Severus drew back just enough to look at him, appearing surprised by Remus' admission. "Lousy in what way?" he asked. "There is a difference between being awkward and uncertain due to lack of experience and practice and being unable to perform or to enjoy the act because of what you endured."

"A bit of both, in a way," Remus replied. He dropped his gaze, staring at Severus' shirt. "Certainly I have very little experience or practice. Shocking in a man of my age, I know, but my counselor says that sometimes that happens, just as sometimes victims become complete sex addicts, shagging everyone they can in an attempt to prove they aren't letting their experiences control their life. For me, it comes down to trust again. To be naked to someone, to let down my guard, to _trust_ them not to do something I don't like or don't want, that's harder. My counselor said that understanding my problem is half the battle. The other half is finding the person I _can_ trust to help me take that step. But I don't want to put that burden on you, Severus. That's one hell of a thing to expect from a potential lover, no matter what I feel about it. That's why I had to tell you, because... it wouldn't be right. Not to disappoint you or wreck _your_ self confidence just because I'm damaged and don't know if I'll ever be able to be intimate with anyone, no matter how much I lo... care about them." He caught himself just in time. He didn't want to put that burden on Severus, either. Not when he didn't know if they could ever have anything together.

"Whether or not to accept that 'burden', as you put it, is _my_ decision to make," Severus said firmly, giving a haughty tilt of his chin. "Haven't I been slow and careful with you ever since the convention? Even without knowing exactly what I was dealing with, I knew I needed to be careful, and I was willing to do so. I'm perfectly willing to continue at your pace until you trust me not to push you, force you, or abandon you."

Remus bit his lip, desperately torn between wanting to accept and wanting to send Severus away for his own good, to leave him free to find someone who wasn't so messed up, someone for whom sex would be uncomplicated and easy. "You've been wonderful," he replied. "More than I ever thought you could be, and you've done more for me than anyone ever has before. But I can't make promises about when or if or anything, really, because I don't know. I _want_ to be with you, don't doubt that. You wouldn't believe how much. Yet it's not fair to you to hold you back due to my problems." He mustered a wan smile. "There are more Kingsleys in the world, Severus. You could easily find someone else without my baggage. Someone who you wouldn't have to be careful with; you could just be yourself." Not that he wanted Severus with anyone else. The mere thought made a surge of jealousy pass through him.

"I _have_ been myself," Severus replied with aggrieved patience, and he gave Remus a little shake. "I haven't suddenly turned sweet and soppy. I haven't hesitated to speak my mind. Being careful has not forced me to behave differently. It has simply involved being circumspect about how much I have revealed about my own emotional state in order to avoid sending you running for the hills." He paused, his expression speaking of an internal war, and then he sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "I don't speak of my past either," he said in a quieter voice. "It is part of why I avoid doing interviews and public appearances, but if you want to know why I understand how you feel, I will tell you. I trust you to keep my secrets."

Remus debated with himself; he didn't want Severus to reveal anything he didn't want to say, but at the same time, a part of him wanted to be convinced that it could work. "I wouldn't tell anyone, I swear," he said, then reached out hesitantly, laying his palm against Severus' cheek. "If it helps, I want this. I want to believe that somehow it could work for us."

Nodding, Severus appeared to steel himself before beginning to speak in a matter-of-fact tone as if recounting a story or reciting lines rather than revealing hurtful details of his own past. "My family were poor. Dad drank, and he was free with his fists. Mum took it. I grew up faster than I should have, and I carried a lot of anger at a young age. I joined a group of boys. A gang, really. I peddled drugs, and I learned how to shoot a gun. By the time I left my teens, I'd lost a close friend to a stray bullet, but it took seeing a childhood companion - I can't call her a friend since we had drifted apart long before that - killed as a result of the violence I'd helped escalate in our neighborhood to make me realize I wanted out. I managed to turn my life around, and I too got into therapy, but I had a criminal record - and a lot to atone for. The first time I did an interview after my career took off enough to make me of interest to the press, the reporter started asking questions about my past. He'd done research and knew things already. I decided I didn't want to rehash a part of my life I was attempting to put behind me every time I faced the press, and so I stopped facing the press." He shrugged and glanced away. "I do what I can to help other young people from making the same mistakes I did, and that is all I can do."

Remus felt a surge of not only sympathy for what Severus had been through, but pride for his strength in extricating himself from a bad situation and turning his life around. "You were a victim of your father the same way I was a victim of Uncle Joe - and it shaped your life, too. But you have done something amazing in realizing that you were on a road to ruin and getting yourself off of it. Thank you for telling me, Severus. I know it wasn't easy for you, but I see that you do understand my issues with trust. We have more in common than I thought... although I wish neither of us had been hurt. But maybe..." He drew in a deep breath and pushed past the caution of years, taking a risk he'd never thought he'd be able to take. It was time to move past the last shackle that Uncle Joe had put on his life, and _try_.

Leaning closer to Severus, he pressed his lips to Severus' gently, a fleeting touch that made him tingle all the way down to his toes, but it was the first kiss he'd initiated on his own in a very long time. "Maybe we can help each other to heal?"

Severus slid his arm more securely around Remus' waist and returned for another light, unthreatening kiss. "I think it's worth a try."

"Good," Remus smiled. His headache was gone, and he felt lighter than he had in weeks. There was an edge of giddy fear to it as well, but somehow, here in Severus' arms, he wasn't as terrified as he'd thought he might be. Severus _had_ been patient with him, and despite everything that Remus had told him, he was still here and still wanted to give them a chance. How could Remus do anything less, especially when he wanted Severus so much and had for such a long time? "So... what do we do now? All this is new to me, despite my flirtatious ways." Feeling daring, he licked his lips. "Would it be too much for you to kiss me? I mean really kiss me? I wanted you to do it at the con, you know. I may have been scared, but I wanted you to."

"It is entirely up to you to decide what is too much, too soon, or too fast," Severus replied, giving Remus a little squeeze. "But if you want me to kiss you, I will be more than happy to oblige."

"Please, Severus," Remus replied, his voice husky. "I'd very much like for you to kiss me. I want to be able to taste you at long last and see if it's as wonderful as I've been imagining."

A slight smile curved Severus' lips as he cupped Remus' cheek in his palm and leaned closer, moving slowly to close the distance between them until he could capture Remus' lips in a deeper kiss, coaxing them apart gently and teasing Remus with a quick flick of his tongue.

Remus' breath caught, and his eyes slid closed as he wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, his fingers stealing into Severus' hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. He didn't hesitate to part his lips, and he moaned as Severus teased him, wanting more. Kissing Severus felt good, and he felt safe, so he pressed closer to Severus, then nipped lightly as Severus' lower lip, deciding that Severus tasted even better than anything he could have ever imagined.

Sliding his hand to the back of Remus' neck, Severus gave a little growl of pleasure at the nip and bit lightly on Remus' bottom lip as if to return the favor, and then he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue between Remus' lips to taste and explore his mouth with leisurely thoroughness, the quickening of Severus' breathing assuring Remus that he was enjoying the contact too.

Remus had never been kissed like this, not even back when he'd been young and desperately wanting to prove he was normal. It wasn't just Severus' skill, which was fantastic and made Remus' toes curl in his shoes; no, it was the way Severus seemed focused on him, and it did wonders for Remus' lingering doubts. He was giving Severus something in return, pleasing him, and he wanted it to continue. Inexperience made him shy, but he slid his tongue against Severus', wanting to see if Severus liked it as much as he did.

Tightening his hand on the back of Remus' neck, Severus parted his lips in a silent invitation for Remus to experiment and explore, a soft moan underscoring his encouragement. It was an invitation Remus wanted to take, and, heart pounding with fear and desire, he did; Severus' moans were addictive, and he wanted more of them. Slipping his tongue past Severus' lips, he explored as Severus had, learning Severus' taste and committing it to memory. Severus was dark and spicy and delicious, and unconsciously Remus shifted, turning more fully against Severus' body, seeking more contact. Somehow, without quite realizing it, he ended up in Severus' lap, and it felt wonderful to be there.

Severus secured one arm around Remus' waist and held him close, letting him explore as long as he pleased, letting him grow comfortable with the giving and receiving, and it was quite telling that Severus was willing to offer him control. Sliding his hand down to Remus' hip, Severus settled Remus closer and more securely in his lap, one kiss flowing into another until Severus drew back at last with one last little nip. His dark eyes were gleaming with desire, and his lips were wet and rosy, evidence of the effect Remus' kisses had had on him. 

It inflamed Remus, giving him a sense of power and control he'd never known before. To see that he could make Severus desire him as much as he desired Severus, to know that Severus wanted him and yet would let him set his own pace was a potent aphrodisiac indeed. It had never felt like this with anyone else, this sense of rightness and pleasure without any fear or complications, and Remus knew he needed more. He was like a man who had been starving without even knowing it, who was suddenly presented with a sumptuous feast. He didn't want to think, didn't want to analyze; he wanted to _feel_ , and he wanted Severus to feel as well.

As much as he wanted that, however, he found he wanted also Severus' dominance, his carefully leashed power that he'd allowed Remus to command. He moved then, leaning back and pulling Severus with him, wanting to feel Severus against him fully, body against body. He arched his back and pressed his hips up, his arousal straining against his trousers as he gave in to the urge to be wanton, an urge he never suspected he had. But he went with it, moaning, and he wrapped his arms around Severus' shoulders. "Please," he said, eyes gleaming with lust as he looked at Severus, then lifted his head to nip at Severus' lower lip once more. "Please, Severus. I want to feel you pressed against me, covering me."

Fortunately, Severus didn't waste precious time in asking 'are you sure?'; either he was willing to take Remus at his word or he was too eager for more than kisses himself that he wasn't about to refuse the invitation, but whatever his motivation, he was quick to comply, easing Remus onto his back and settling between his legs.

"As you wish," Severus said huskily, snugging his hips against Remus' and rocking provocatively. "What else do you want?"

The feeling of Severus over him, pressing against him, was just as fantastic as Remus had thought it would be, but the way Severus rocked against him detonated an explosion of need within him. He wanted, _needed_ in a way that left him flushed, breathless, and incoherent, more aroused than he'd ever been in his life. He'd never felt this urge to let go before, but he wanted to do it now. "More!" he gasped, eyes wide and the blue growing dark and stormy with the depth of his need. Instinctively he moved his legs, lifting them and wrapping them around Severus' thighs so that he could pull Severus even closer. He bucked up, desperate for more of the delicious stimulation, intense and erotic even with the layers of clothing between them. "More, Severus, please give me more!"

A wicked smirk curved Severus' lips just before he bent his head and fastened his teeth just beneath Remus' ear, biting down and sucking as he rocked his hips harder, faster, his own breathing growing shallow and ragged as he seemed to forget the world in favor of giving them both the release they desired.

Desire it Remus did, and he threw his arms around Severus shoulders, holding on for dear life. The sensation of Severus' teeth on him was unexpected and yet incredibly erotic, and he tilted his head back. lost in the rising tide of desire that seemed to mount between them, stronger and stronger with each surge of Severus' hips against his. Remus easily caught the rhythm, using his leverage to meet every thrust, a litany of "yes" and "please" and "more" pulled from him as all coherent thought disappeared. There was only heat, and friction, and Severus, and that was all that Remus wanted or needed, but he needed them more than he needed to breathe.

At last, it was more than he could contain, and he cried out Severus' name as he arched up, dropping over the edge, consumed by the most powerful, intense release he'd ever experienced. His eyes were wide, locked on Severus' face as stunned, disbelieving joy overtook him. With only a few more quick, sharp movements of his hips, Severus followed, a cry escaping him, and then he bent and captured Remus' mouth again in a deep but tender kiss, one infused with affection rather than need.

Remus returned the kiss in equal measure, clinging to Severus with no intention of letting go. He felt boneless, sated in a way that he'd never experienced, and he held Severus tightly, half afraid that he'd wake up and find this had all been a dream. 

When the need to breathe forced them apart, he looked up at Severus, moving one hand at last so that he could cradle Severus' jaw, running his thumb over the sharp angle of Severus' cheekbone. "I've never felt anything like that before," he murmured breathlessly, before kissing Severus again, lightly but with gratitude for the wonderful gift Severus had given him, stunned that something so wonderful had happened to him. He realized suddenly that he'd taken more than a step; he'd come further than he'd ever thought he might, and he'd not only survived, he'd enjoyed every moment of it. He'd have to thank his counselor, who'd been so patient and kind and who had, along with Severus, brought him to this moment where, for the first time, he finally felt truly alive and truly free.

He smiled, suddenly feeling a little shy. "Mmm... would you stay with me tonight? Or would that seem like I'm a little too clingy and needy at the moment?"

"There is nothing needy about wanting your lover to stay the night," Severus replied, leaning into Remus' caress. "As it happens, I would like to stay, which is quite convenient for us both."

"Yes, it is," Remus replied, his voice soft with wonder. "My lover... I never thought I'd ever use those words. I like them. Especially because they apply to you." He brushed Severus' lips with his fingers. "My lover, my Severus. It sounds beautiful."

Severus rolled his eyes, but he pursed his lips against Remus' fingers in response. "I see I've unleashed the floodgates," he teased. 

Remus arched a brow, but his serenity wasn't fazed by Severus' snark. "You have only yourself to blame," he replied lazily. "You pursued me, and you caught me; now you have to live with the consequences!"

"I'll find a way," Severus drawled, easing up and away from Remus. "Now then, would it be too much for you to handle if I suggested taking a shower together before bed? You need rest, and the captain needs his beauty sleep if he's to look decent on the set tomorrow."

"I think I can handle that," Remus said, feeling a little breathless with anticipation even though he was far too sated for anything more at the moment. But having taken this first step, the thought of further intimacy wasn't as terrifying as it had once seemed. In fact, Remus found himself looking forward to discovering what other delights lay in store for him at Severus' hands. If it was anything like what he'd experienced today, Severus might find that Remus went from celibate and stand-offish to sex addict in short order. Or Severus addict, he amended silently to himself. He didn't want just sex; he wanted it with Severus, and he wasn't willing to settle for anyone else.

Rolling to his feet, Remus held out a hand. "Come on then, Captain," he drawled in Casey's brogue. "A shower it is. And just remember who 'tis who's got your back!"


	13. Chapter 13

"Cut! That's a wrap," the director shouted, and Severus backed away from the stuntman, panting from the exertion of the fight sequence they'd just had to do three times in a row before the director was satisfied with the results. 

As they walked off the set, one of the assistants brought over a towel and a bottle of water for them, and Severus accepted his with murmured thanks. He was ready to get out of his costume, which had - of course - been conveniently ripped to show off his chest and arms during the fight, and to sit down for a short respite. The fight scene wasn't the only way he'd exerted himself that day; if he'd had a little more energy and natural aggression during the fight, he knew it was due to the fact that he'd shagged Remus in his dressing room prior to being called to the set. 

In the weeks since they had made the switch from friends to lovers, things had changed, which he had expected in general, but some of the specific changes had surprised him. For one thing, he hadn't expected Remus to be ready for actual penetrative sex as quickly, but it seemed having taken the first, scary step had made the steps that followed easier for Remus to take. That, or Severus was such a brilliant lover that he had swept away all fears with a single touch, but as much as Severus would have liked to think that, he knew it was because Remus had conquered his demons all on his own after years of therapy. 

For another, Remus had seemed to calm down, no longer flirting outrageously with all and sundry. He was still exuberant, but the sexual nature of his teasing and joking was directed at Severus, and everyone else just got the bad puns. He was also quite insatiable and found ways to convince Severus to shag in places Severus had never considered shagging in before - like their dressing rooms - but that wasn't a bad thing, as far as Severus was concerned. 

All in all, things were going quite well, and his satisfaction with life communicated itself through his confident swagger as he headed to his canvas-backed chair and sat down to rehydrate and review the script.

From one side, he could hear Kingsley's deep tones, answered by Remus as they reviewed their scene, which was scheduled for just after lunch. Kingsley's character, Guns as they called him, had a bit of a rivalry with Casey over who was the biggest smartass on the ship, and at first, it had been underlaid by Remus' initial antipathy to Kingsley. As Remus had grown more certain of both himself and Severus, however, that had eased; and while it didn't seem likely that Remus would be inviting Kingsley over for tea and confidences, it didn't seem like he was in danger of ripping Kingsley's head off, either. Especially once Remus understood that Severus had known Kingsley for a long time, and there wasn't anything except friendship between them.

"Okay, I think we've got it in the bag," Remus said. "We'll be ready to film when they call us."

"Right," Kingsley answered. There was a pause, then he spoke again. "Severus was looking particularly hot in that fight scene he just did. All muscles and sweat and fierceness."

"Mmm... yes, he was, wasn't he?" Remus' voice managed to sound both dreamy and a trifle smug, as though he were recalling their energetic lovemaking from just before Severus was called on set. "Hey, Shacklebolt, roll up your tongue and shove it back in your mouth! That's _my_ man, and if you drool over him too much, I just might have to scratch your eyes out... _girlfriend_."

Severus nearly choked on his water, and he sputtered a little as he tried to catch his breath, and then he turned to face them, not bothering to hide that he'd been listening. 

"Ladies, please," he drawled, flexing his biceps. "You needn't fight over me. There's plenty to go around."

Remus started, but he didn't look embarrassed. Instead he sauntered over to Severus, swaying his hips. He slid an arm around Severus' shoulders, not seeming to mind the sweat at all, then leaned down to put his mouth close to Severus' ear. "I'm the greedy sort, I'm afraid," he said, his breath ghosting warmly over Severus' damp skin. Severus felt Remus' teeth nip the lobe of his ear, even as Remus' free hand caressed Severus' bicep appreciatively. "I won't share, and I'll fight for you until my dying breath. He can look all he wants, and so can everyone else. But they'd better not touch, or I'll have to show I have teeth behind my pretty-boy smile."

Smirking, Severus slid his arm around Remus' waist and pulled him closer. "Not to worry," he murmured. "I have a strictly hands-off policy. You'll never have to share."

Remus moved against him willingly, giving him a satisfied smile before leaning in again, this time to lick a drop of sweat from the side of Severus' neck. "Good. I've no desire to share at all," he replied huskily. "I've discovered I'm a one-man man. Since you wooed me and won me, I'm all yours."

Severus turned his head and captured Remus' mouth in a brief but demanding kiss. Although he hadn't come out to the general public, he had made no secret of being in a relationship with Remus with the rest of the cast and crew. It was the first step toward making his sexual orientation "official", if only so Remus would never have cause to doubt that Severus was proud to be with him, not ashamed of himself, his sexuality, or their relationship. Severus' reticence stemmed from his fervent desire to keep his private life private, not shame or fear of what the public would think when they learned the truth.

"Damned right you're all mine," he growled against Remus' lips.

Remus shivered. He'd made no secret of the fact that he was aroused by Severus' dominance and by his possessiveness. For a man who had been the next best thing to a virgin only a few weeks ago, Remus had shown a decided liking for rough, demanding sex, and growling or biting was one sure way to make him weak in the knees and have him begging for Severus' possession. Remus returned the kiss, his hands sliding into Severus' hair, and when he pulled back, it was to smile at Severus with an expression which seemed to hold equal parts desire and tenderness. "I love it when you talk that way," he said. Then he kissed Severus, hard and quick. "I love it when you are all sweaty and masculine and hot." Another kiss. "Ah, bugger it all. I love you, period, but you already know that." 

Severus gave him a haughty smirk. "Yes, I do," he replied, winding his other arm around Remus and tugging him closer until he was standing between Severus' knees. He was far more sparing with endearments and the L-word than Remus was; he preferred to show rather than tell Remus how he felt, but he had said the words enough that he hoped Remus knew how he felt even without regular verbal reinforcement. "I'd never pegged you for the soppy type, but I'll find a way to cope somehow."

"Hmphf. I'm not soppy. I'm just overwhelmed by your prowess," Remus retorted, his lips twitching as he obviously tried to hold in a chuckle. "And speaking of that prowess and the legendary and public exercise there of... I received an invitation to a large convention in London during our filming break. Think I could talk you into going with me? Unless picking up a soppy, sex-starved costar as a bedwarmer put you off of them forever."

"Hmm..." Severus pretended to consider the question even as he stroked Remus' back gently. "Well, that certainly was an unexpected turn of events, especially when all I expected to take home were a couple of tee-shirts and a new Doctor Who mug. But as it happens, I've received an invitation to the same con, and if you're going, I will accept the invitation as well."

"Good!" Remus' eyes sparkled, and he threw his arms around Severus' shoulders, holding him close and rubbing his slightly stubbled cheek against Severus'. Even though Remus still didn't care to be touched by other people, he couldn't seem to get enough contact with Severus. "I could arrange for a two bedroom suite, if you'd like. It's common enough for stars from the same show to do stuff like that."

"Pfft!" Severus made a derogatory sound even as he nuzzled Remus' cheek in return. "Why bother with a two bedroom suite? We won't use but one bed. You may as well book us a suite with one very large bed... and I get first dibs if there is a gift basket."

Remus drew back, his eyes round with surprise for a moment before crinkling at the corners in pleasure. "I'll happily cede the gift basket," he said, moving one hand to cradle Severus' cheek. "I'll call and make the reservations tonight, then. We can get room service, too. How does a big breakfast in bed our first morning there sound?"

Smiling slightly, Severus leaned into the touch and nuzzled Remus' palm. "It sounds like an excellent idea, but you had best be certain to order two carafes of coffee or you might not get much." 

"Yes sir, Captain," Remus replied, his voice husky. "Anything my Captain desires... anything at all."


	14. Chapter 14

"And next up is the prize piece of our auction offerings for this convention," Remus said, gesturing for Severus to hold up the dark blue military style coat. "I might have to bid on this myself. No, your eyes do not deceive you, good people. What we have here today, on auction by very special donation from your friends at BBC Wales, is one of Captain Jack Harness' blue coats! This one has actually been worn on the set, and as an added benefit, the lining has been autographed by the cast. Remember, this is all for charity, so bid high and bid often. So shall we start out at two hundred pounds?"

"Two hundred!" a chorus of voices called out, and Remus laughed.

"Five hundred," said someone else, and then the bidding was off in earnest. It had been incredibly generous of the Beeb to offer up one of the coats, but they'd been very accommodating when Remus had contacted them a week ago, seeking some items for donation for the charity auction. The bidding was hot and heavy, and he was hard pressed to keep up, but at last it was over, and the coat had fetched a staggering five thousand two hundred and fifty pounds.

Wiping sweat from his brow, Remus turned to look at Severus, grinning at him and giving him a thumbs up. He'd been pleased when they'd been asked to do the auction at the convention; they made a good team, and he was glad that the fans seemed happy to have them. Of course, there had been questions and comments about the "incident" at the convention in America, but Remus had greeted everything with a smile and nothing else. He thought Severus had the right of it. Let them speculate; there was no need to confirm or deny. He knew the truth, and so did Severus, and that was all Remus really cared about.

"We rocked that, didn't we?" he asked, crossing to take a glass of ice water from the table near Severus' stool. "Our charities are going to be happy!"

"Indeed they are," Severus replied with a nod of approval. "Before you wrap up, however, I've been handed a silent bid item for you," he added, holding out a long, sealed envelope.

"Oh?" Remus was surprised, having never had something like this happen at a con before. He looked at Severus, then snorted. "I suppose this might have something to do with our previous con, and since I announced that the beginning we wouldn't be doing the same kind of open bids. But I suppose it can't hurt, can it?"

"You could at least take a look and see what it is," Severus said casually, although his posture seemed alert, almost tense, rather than relaxed, although that could be chalked up to being in front of a live crowd again. Severus did have his limits for how much he could stand being around large groups of people, and Remus thought it was possible he was pushing those limits after their busy day at the con.

"Oh, I will," Remus replied. He switched off the microphone and lowered his voice for good measure as he gave Severus a sympathetic smile. "Hang in there, it's almost over. And afterward we can go back to the suite and have a hot bath in that big, wonderful tub, all right? Would you like that?"

"I would indeed." Severus' expression softened, and he seemed pleased by the idea. "If you're good, I may even let you scrub my back."

"It would be my honor, privilege, and definitely my pleasure to do so, my Captain," Remus replied, his expression fond. He wanted to lean in and kiss Severus, but that would have to wait until they were back in private. So instead he flicked his mic back on, then turned to the audience.

"It seems we have a silent bid for something," Remus said, and the audience, which had been buzzing in conversation about the blue coat, grew silent. Remus grinned. "I suspect one of you crafty lot did this to get around us not doing an open bid as we did in the states, right? Well, we'll just have to see if your cleverness pays off, won't we? It'll have to depend on what it is, I suppose." He gestured toward Severus. "And trust me, you don't want to make the Captain annoyed with you, so let's just hope it's not something obscene!"

With that he opened the envelope, drawing out a single, typewritten sheet of paper. "And it says, 'I'll bid 10,000 pounds on Pil....'" Remus' voice trailed off, his eyes rounding in shock as he read the rest of the words. He could feel his cheeks heating up, and he swallowed hard, wondering if it was all a joke. Of course it _had_ to be! Someone was yanking his chain, and he had to admit it was damned effective.

"What does it say?" several people called out, and Remus quickly got himself together, smiling as he raised the mic once more.

"Very well. It says 'I'll bid 10,000 pounds on Pilot Smartarse's hand in marriage.'" He looked back at Severus, chuckling and shrugging before looking back at the audience. "Sorry, Captain, it seems someone wants to steal a member of your crew. All right, which of you cheeky lot did this? I'm afraid it's quite impossible, although I must say I'm flattered." 

The audience was quiet, although there were chuckles and a smattering of applause. Remus looked out into the audience, shielding his eyes. "Come on, I won't bite. 'Fess up! I have to say it was very clever!" 

Suddenly, a loud "oooOOOOooo!" swept across the audience punctuated by laughter, and several voices began shouting out instructions. "Behind you! Look behind you!"

"Behind me?" Remus was confused, and for a moment, he had the awful vision of turning around to see some poor fan with Severus' hands around his neck, choking the life from him. But he pushed that thought away and slowly rotated. Instead of murder and mayhem, however, he saw Severus, who had slid off his stool and raised his hand. He looked at bit nervous, but there was hope in his eyes, and Remus' breath caught.

He couldn't believe this. That Severus wanted to marry him, and not only that, he was breaking his tradition of letting people wonder about his sexuality by coming out. Remus would never have in a million years imagined that his privacy-demanding lover would declare not only his homosexuality, but his feelings as well in front of a few thousand people, and he was overjoyed and overwhelmed by the gesture.

Dropping both the envelope and the mic to the floor, Remus ignored everything in favor of running to Severus, flinging his arms around him an capturing his lips in a kiss. Happiness threatened to overwhelm him, and he didn't care who knew it. Well, he cared that Severus knew, of course, and when he pulled back from the kiss, it was only so that he could murmur "yes, yes, yes!" before kissing Severus again.

Severus wound his arms around Remus in return and lifted him off the floor for a brief, bone-crunching embrace before setting him on his feet again. "No more fear," he murmured, leaning his forehead against Remus'. "I won't ever leave you or betray you or turn you out of my life, and I thought this might drive the point home better than any mere words could do."

"Oh, Severus." Remus' throat threatened to close up, and he held Severus tightly. "This is perfect. Wonderful. And I'll never have any fear again, thanks to you." He lifted a hand to stroke Severus' cheek. "You know you have my love, but you also have my complete trust. No one else has had that in decades, but I give it to you gladly because I know that you would never betray it."

"Indeed not," Severus replied, and he kissed Remus briefly before drawing back and glancing at the audience, which had erupted into cheers and applause. He grabbed the mic stand nearest him and dragged it over so his voice could be heard. "Yes, that was a serious bid. I have the cheque in my pocket. Yes, that was a serious proposal, and since Remus has accepted, you'll be hearing about our wedding plans in the near future. For now, though, I suspect there will be an explosion of videos, stories, and art online starting in the next five minutes."

Remus chuckled, sliding his arms around Severus' waist and putting his mouth close to Severus' ear. Nothing in his life had ever made him this happy before, and all the pains and sorrows he'd endured receded into complete unimportance. Severus loved him, Severus wanted to be with him, and that was the most wonderful thing in the universe.

"No matter what they post, it can't hope to compete with the reality," he murmured. Letting one hand fall to Severus' hip, he squeezed firmly, wanting nothing more than to be back in their suite right now so that he could show Severus just how enthusiastically he was accepting the proposal. "Reality is always better than fantasy, isn't it?"

"In this case, it most certainly is," Severus replied with a pleased little smirk. 

"And on that note, let's get back to the suite," Remus said, moving his hand from Severus' hip to his arse for a discreet grope. "I want to show you that I still have your back. And your front, and anything else you wish to give me, wherever you wish to give it to me, and as many times as you'd like to give it."

Severus grabbed his mic again. "The auction is officially closed," he announced in a firm, clear voice. "Remus and I have some planning and celebrating to do."

"We certainly do," Remus replied, kissing Severus again and hearing the crowd cheer. He took the mic from Severus, put it into the stand, then took Severus' hand and pulled him toward the back of the stage. "Let's go start that celebration - and I hope you are up to a long one, because I have a great deal to celebrate. Because of you, Severus - all because of you."

"And because you were able to overcome your own fear," Severus pointed out as he led Remus off-stage and headed for the exit. "Never underestimate your own strength or your own bravery. I was the catalyst, but not the cause." 

"You gave me a reason to be brave and strong," Remus replied, squeezing Severus' hand tightly. "And I'm going to show you just how grateful I am for it. Over and over again... for the rest of our lives. I like the sound of that, don't you?"

"Til death do you part does have a nice ring to it," Severus said, nodding. "Speaking of rings, I have one back in the suite that I brought for the occasion." He glanced sidelong at Remus, his expression turning sly. "Although I should warn you, it isn't a ring for your _finger_..."

"Oh, that sounds promising," Remus replied, feeling his body tighten in anticipation. "Let's get there then... so I can show you what I have for you under my kilt this time - and I think you'll find it more to you liking than the last con!" 

Hurrying down the hallway toward their suite, Remus felt joy and anticipation of what lay in store for them. And when he looked at Severus, he saw the same expression in his eyes that was there in the painting of Nathan and Casey, the painting he'd looked it so yearningly even when he couldn't express what he wanted. Apparently happily-ever-afters just didn't happen in tv shows and made up stories; they happened to real people, too. That's what he'd have with Severus, his Captain, his love, the man of his dreams: a happily-ever-after that would last for the rest of their lives.


End file.
